No Two Paths Will Ever Be The Same...

I find my life quite interesting at times. Like a roller coaster ride that I bought endless tickets too and forgot what I signed up for. It is always challenging to be a woman and a mother. You think you can be both but in this world we have created that can be a thin line,especially if you are single. When I say women I mean sensual being not gender stereo typing. Hard at times to run a household,  model both parenting roles, find inner peace and outer success and then put on a nightie at night and feel sexy. Let alone date. Whew just writing that made me tired and a bit confused. Try living it. well "This is my life". Now you can see why I call my blog that. I find myself in this very spot time and time again in my life thinking that damn I thought I worked that kink out in my life and now it pops up again. I can say one thing though every time it comes up I am made stronger by it. I grow from the experience and it is more like a gift now then a curse.
  For some on the outside this may be a bit disheartening to watch but no more then the area's in their life I can see they too need some work on or a need to repeat one of  life's lesson. The difference is I don't say anything, not unless asked because I believe it is your lesson not mine. My responsibility is to be there if you need someone to listen, mirror back what I am perceiving if asked and do it all without judgement because who am I to tell you what your path should be let alone if your doing it right. All this said because I am still making my way on my own journey. When I vent to people it is because I would like their input, I am not coming to them for what to do. I once did that and I no longer am that woman, let alone mother.  So now it is because I value your life experience in an area and I want to know what you would do if it was you. See key word what 'YOU" would do not necessarily what I will do or would ever do. A lot of people get that confused they want you to do what they would do but there is one problem with that your not them!! Hello, everyone's life experience is different and what works for one may not work for another hence the zillion self help book! So even if at times it seems like I have picked the craziest roller coaster ride this time. No worries. It's just me experiencing life and making mistakes to see what I have learned and  where I  can be growing in others areas. The life I have may not be easy at times but I did not choose it to be easy, I am not a sheep. I am a wolf . I choose it for the adventure, the experience, the loyalty to myself and my pack... Even if on the outside you can not see my growth, it's okay it is not for you to see anyways. It's for me!  Not only to see within myself but to know that I have learned from my last ride.  It is my journey, my path, my roller coaster and the choice is always up to me if I want to ride or not. Hell and when the choice is not up to me I know there is a higher learning that I need and what ever it is when I come out the other side I will be a better person for it makes the ride itself way worth it. So just because my path does not look like yours does not mean I haven't came a long way or I don't know where I am going.. I bought this ticket so let me ride but be there for me to share my experience since we are all in this together.... <3

The Doors - Break On Through (To the Other Side)

Coming Out The Other Side Of Change....

   It always amazes me when I find I have come out the other side of change. I don't mean those simple changes as picking a different brand of toothpaste, I mean a life altering change. Some people only defy change as a physical one. Not in my world, I seem to do a lot of transformation of thoughts and actions. Which you think would be a easier process but unfortunately that is not the case. I would rather change tooth paste flavors then look in the mirror of my life. Looking at my behaviors and pattern has been no ease task and it has been a long road with many years of inner reflection and outer evaluation but I must say I wouldn't change a thing. I have now come to understand it is a never ending flow of life and cycles and patterns that have lead me to this moment in time. One in which is never ending.
 It is not until you come through to the other side {see Jim Morrison did know what he was taking about}
that you see where you have made the most changes in your life. Some might be physical, others emotional or even spiritual. The biggest is when there is a shift in all three but no matter the change I am convinced it all started with your thoughts and that is where choices and change are born.
  I was just looking back on the past few months and something clicked and I saw them in a very simplest form. "There is always two paths you can choose and it's up to you which way you go. "  I was in awe of what a pure honest statement that is. My thoughts and  My action created choices and each choice was solely up to me and me alone. Like I have said for a while It like testing ourselves. I am not sure what part of ourselves or maybe it is a higher source that plays a role in moving us along the cosmic and physical paths either way it is our moment of change. Over the years I have played with many theories to explain it or explain it away. I have read many books, searched under many rocks and listen to countless others theories as well only to be left with this conclusion.  Its just the Law of Nature. broke down in it most simplistic of ways.  For evolution to happen there must be changes made to the structures of cells and plants oh and that does include people. As much as we are a technological world based on plastic and metals at our base we are organic.  So change must incur for a species to survive but most of all thrive. We choose usually the path of complacence because we know we can survive there. The thought of thriving scares us because we know there we must move with the sands of change. I was told a few years back that I loved change I  "surf the winds of change and there I am the happiest". I really didn't understand that for years well until now.
  Change is fundamental for personal and global evolution. Our world is looking to go on two paths right at this moment in our history. One in which life is based on Technology and Bio mechanics. Where an artificial life will be lead, one in which bees are robots and clones walk where once human tread or One in which we embrace our organic humanness and embrace living in local and global communities with individualism praised and encouraged. There is one other choice you can choose to do nothing and let others choose for you but remember if you do that you still are solely responsible for the outcome because you still made a choice to do nothing. I don't know about you but I am fighting for embracing my humanness and learning to be a fully functioning human and enjoying the fact that I am choosing the path of change with every thought and action. Is it always easy, Hell No. but it is so worth it when you come out the other side. To be able to know you rode out the winds of change, only to come out the other side learning more about yourself and the world around, it almost makes this time in history worth being born in. { I said almost... lol } It's when you realize you have the power with in yourself to make a difference in the world by simply making the best choices for you in yours that you know you have been more then surviving, you have been thriving... what a GREAT feeling that is.....This must be what it feels like to be "ALIVE"......

Seeing The Duality In The Everyday.....

 

 It was brought to my attention last night that we live in two worlds at all times.. The Topside World of Losses and Gains and The Underworld of the seeking Reunification with the Psyche. We tend to confuse ourselves sometime because we are looking to understand the actions of others based on our own ideas of purpose and living. How could those here to live in the Top World ever understand Those here to live from their Psyche. The Psyche can never be measured in Losses and Gains only in a deeper understand of ones self can they find fulfillment. In the Top World they can not measure their worth in inner success only productivity and what they deem as failure. No wonder the two worlds are at odds.
  I now understand the term "Balance" for when we live from only one world we do not hold a complete picture of what is being expressed by all around you.  We move into judgment based on our own ideas of expressed purpose. It is the old ideas of the Artist and Musicians who to the Topside world hold little value unless they can produce something that in turn equals a Gain. It also is the working class Top World that is misunderstood and at time despised for there lack of concern for anything but Gains from The Underworld. We clash in our ideas of life and illusion. Given to what some mystic call the world of duality. As humans we try to break down our ideas into tangible words and ideas we can grasp to help understand why others are not as we are. Maybe it is as simple as the two world are here it give expression and lessons to those who are here to live only in the Top World and those here only to live in the Underworld and those that have learned to live in Both.  Maybe the goal is to bridge the two worlds so that then maybe they become One without the loss of the other. The world would be incomplete with out both. The Top World is the world of doers... They use their mind to solve problems while those that live in The Underworld are the visionaries the dreamers.. with out the two expansion would not be possible. I hear a lot of talk about becoming ONE and it seems that the battle rages in converting one world to give it self up for the other. That is where we have become separated and divided. It is like cutting off your head and thinking that your body can still live a full life or keeping the head and living with out the rest of the body.. it makes no sense. So why is it we try to cut off one world in order to validate our own. Why cant we in these famous words " Just get along". When will we as humans understand that it is the bridging of the two worlds where peace will be found. It is in understand each others worlds that acceptance will be gained and love expressed. Both worlds will find fulfillment in watching the losses turn to gains and expansion of the inner self will emerge and find expression through the 6 senses..  As we move through out our day may we be aware of those that live in each world and may we honor the choices each soul makes to live in either The Topside World or The Underworld or Both for each is important and each have its place in this dimension of duality...

Taking The Next Exit To A Healthier Life....

Well I have made it past the 3 day mark with little food withdrawals and cravings. I must say It has been a bit hard as I have still had to cook Austin's meals, prepare his lunches and snack. I found that if I filled up on juices before I cooked for him I was not as tempted to taste or join in.
I was really worried about Wednesday's dinner. I was making my famous Buffalo Turkey Burger. {one of Austin's favorite, and I must admit one of the few meat luxuries I still indulged in}I wondered if I could fight off temptation and even tried making deals with myself but knew that only time would tell. As dinner time approached I decided to turn dinner in to an experiment not a meal. That I would try a new recipe {a healthier one} and even try baking them instead of cooking them on top of the stove. I took the turkey burger and added; diced onions, baby bells, some finely chopped parley added cracked black pepper and of course the buffalo sauce. I thought about adding celery but I didn't want to push it. You see Austin is a simple boy when it comes to his burgers. meat, bread and ketchup and occasionally pickles. Putting vegetables in his burger, well I was taking a chance. { not that I haven't snuck onions in before but that is about it }I told him I was going to cook them in the oven so they might taste a little different and I hoped between the two buns he didn't catch the rainbow of flavor and colors I was hiding. I set the oven for 350 and cooked them flipping them a few times for about 20-25 minutes. What a difference it made. First the house was not full of the smell of cooked meat but also they turned out fuller and looked very juicy.. This on one hand was great but my lips smacked of yummy.. I served his up and to my delight he enjoyed it so much he asked for seconds. Which saved the night!! with him eating the left over I was not tempted and without even noticing I was able to get more vegetables into Austins diet and favorite food. A win win for the both of us!
It was a nice feeling to know I have now created a new recipe and kept to my course despite my taste buds drooling and now I have something to look forward too.
I was so inspired I decided to go to the library and check out a few of  Isa Chandra Moskowitz books on Vegan eating. I love her recipes simple but yet Delicious!! while waiting for Austin I was listening to a man asking questions about Vegetarian, Vegan and Raw books. As I listen to the girl at the desk try to tell him how Raw food and Vegetarian style eating is the same I could not contain myself. I thought just say "I don't know" don't assume they are the same because they are not. As I still kept my nosy self listening I heard her sending him to my favorite area of the library.  I just couldn't let him journey off alone and now misinformed now could I.  What kind of Gemini would I be?, let alone just being myself made it hard to stay seated and my mouth shut. I said excuse me as I walked up to him and told him I was sorry for eavesdropping but could I please show him where to find what he was looking for. As a good tour guide I asked questions and shared some of my favorite books and we even talked about some you tube channels and in the end I gave him my card. It was a beautiful exchange! I found myself hopeful as he shared his story of wanting to change his eating habits and obviously take back his health. he like me is no spring chicken but as they say its never to late!!
I left the library armed with my books and a new sense that even in this small town in Maine people are waking up to changing there lifestyle and getting back on track to a healthier way to live. Hope sometimes comes disguised as angels and expressed by taking the time to reach out to one another. I know my eating habits are changing my household but its nice to know that what I am doing behind these wall is going out into the world and making a difference there too.

Pardon My Rant... But Where Have All The Honorable Men Gone?

May I ask why on Planet Earth Men will fight for land and goods but they will not rise up against arrogance  and the protection of  women and children? I am not even ranting about a country or a certain war I am talking about the simple acts that can be done here in the states and in our communities!

A few years back one of the reasons I chose to leave California was an indecent I was involved in at a local fast food restaurant. The restaurant was quite full there was a family of four, The father and mother and two boys. Two gentleman and his daughter, a manger eating lunch and Me the man I was with and his son. There were also a few employees behind the counter busily working when a man ran in and obviously was running from something or someone. Before we could make out what was happening Two cars pulled into the parking lot. That is when the man started saying "he is trying to shoot me!!" Now at this time the man was not only standing in the middle area where we are but now putting us in danger as the men circled around outside obviously deciding weather to shoot at us all and hope to get him or leave the scene to kill him another time. As I looked around at all the men inside I saw none were about to speak up or even moving. It was as if they thought they were watching a movie so no one spoke up but me. " Look I don't know what is going on but you are putting children at risk at least move away from us!" I looked at the little girls whose father was not even putting his arm around her. I then motioned to her to get down. I looked for one of the men to say something and once again I got silence. He starts to mumble some nonsense which lead me to believe he started the whole thing by his actions. I then turn to the manger and said "are you going to at least call the police?" Then in Spanish she told the employees to make the call and finally from the father with two boys he said "Yeah we don't want any trouble in here were trying to eat" well at least he said something. At that moment one of the guys from outside came in and said " This isn't over!!" and in his hand was a bright shining gun. They got in their cars and drove off. The man then began pacing like a caged animal  who was trying to decide if he should leave or stay. I now stood up and spoke up again " Don't think about leaving after all you just put these kids through let alone us your waiting here for the authorizes." He sat down and I became disgusted at what I had just witnessed not only by the other men but the man I had come with. I was not sure what to blame the fact that they had be desensitized by movies and tv to see how real of a situation we had just experienced or that the men in there had forgot that their gender have boasted for centuries about their manliness, waged wars for lesser things but yet it was a  women who spoke up for the protection of herself, the children and even them.

I had forgot that event until this morning. At our bus stop we have been forced due to our cities lack of man power to have a small area in which the kids can stand and safely catch the bus. Because of that most of us including the kids are force to be closer to the street then what we would like. The sidewalks are not clear so a few of the kids including me and Austin are forced to walk in the middle of the rode to even reach the bus stop. The bus stop is on a corner and the street is very narrow. Lately there has be a parent {a man } whose bus comes after ours parking right on the edge of where we are forced to stand. Not only parking in front of the bus stop but directly in front of the stop sign, giving no one any room to pass let alone stand. Him parking there puts not only the kids at the stop in danger but also those that have to walk down the hill. It is bad enough he is parking right on pardon my french but our asses { and I mean literally} but he keeps he car running so we all must inhale his fumes. Every time I pass by him I look at him and give him what Austin would call the  "Look" for each day his laziness { since he lives no father then I from the stop} and his arrogance in rages my common sense. He drives because he is lazy, he parks so close because he wants to see the bus come without getting out of his car that he is not only putting us at risk but being very inconsiderate.  Now I have spoken to two of the Fathers there and there were even two other men there today making remarks and faces at how rude this man is being but do you think any of then had not only the courage but common decadence to speak to him? No of course not. There is no land to be had, no goods to be gained. All that they would of been speaking up for was the safety and protection of the women and children that stand in the cold { not in a warm car} every day all winter long.  Now maybe in our society men do not feel they must look over strangers but these are their children or at least children that have been put in their care. I once again feel nothing but disgust, divine anger and disappointment that once again it will be me who is the one that will have to stand up for what is right.

Yesterday I started to watch the History Channels new series Vikings. In the opening scenes the father is teaching his son to fight he is 13. At first I was set back because I believe in peace not war but as the story line played out my mind listened as it was time for the boy to become a man. His father on his trip to his initiation told him the story of how he had fought a bear to save his mother and that is how they met and afterward said to him " Will you protect the family?" The boy said "but Father you do that" and he answered "Son someday I will be gone and it will be your duty to keep the family safe and cared for!" . the boy looked into his fathers eyes and said " I will!" .. Where have those days gone? When did the men forget their oath to their forefathers and to God to look after the young, the women, the sick and the elderly?  Is that why we have so lost our way. That men are afraid to stand up for common senses and the protection of other. Men go to war everyday for what they call freedom and liberty of all but who looks after the women and children left behind.

Do not get me wrong like in the movie "Thor" where Odin talks to Thor about war and the protection of its people " We do not seek war but we are always prepared for it".  I believe that not every action that is took in disrespect  needs to be reacted with in anger or hast but I do wish that the men of this planet would start standing up as the protector and as teacher to this younger generation of boys that there is honor and love when protecting those that either cant or shouldn't have too.  It is sad that they are leaving it to women like me to teach boys how to be men and to teach men how to respect not only life but those in it.

I guess it will be me who teaches Austin to stand when no other men will, It will be me who teaches him to be a man of honor but it is sad that the only thing his Dad will teach him is how to use a gun... and even worse it will be society that  teaches him that complacence breed arrogance and arrogance breeds a world full of dishonorable men. I can only hope that one day the men of this planet find their worth in the things that make them stronger and do not keep their minds in what blinds them. That they will find their way back to the day's of old when men were taught honor and respect for all and were willing to die for their belief in it.....

The Hawks Have Brought A Message....

Yesterday as I left to go shopping I was amazed to look up and see hawks circling overhead. My first thought was YES!! spring is on it's way but as I watched them circle and started to count the magic of numbers danced in my head 1..2..3..  counting on until I reached 7. Seven hawks in flight. The number 7 has many meanings but when it comes to Animals Ted Andrews would say it was the number of wisdom, a seeker and the truth. I could not help feel my soul smile as I felt that they too were giving their blessing for the new journey I am embarking on. I have often felt like the Hawk brings the message of "seeing the big picture" that when I rise above the emotions to see all the pieces of the puzzle laid out that I would get a better understanding of what lays ahead. Like the crow comes to protect and ask me to watch my thoughts and keep my eyes open. The hawk asks me to rise above to see the bigger picture and view the path ahead which is being laid by my actions. When I came home I decide to do a little studying up on what other wisdom may these Hawks be bringing to my life at this moment. I found myself drawn back to the number 7. I decide to see what Doreen Virtues's Angels Numbers 101 had to say{ highly recommend this book it you are drawn to lots of # in your life} 7- "You're on the right path,and the outcome will exceed your expectations!!" The number 7 is a sign that Divine magic is supporting you and opening doors of opportunity. Wow! did that not only make my soul smile but my heart as well. I went on to look up what Ted Andrews in Animal Speak has to say on the Hawks. As soon as I turned to the page I laughed out loud. Hawks; Keynote: Visionary Power and Guardianship Cycles Of Power; Spring and Fall Equinoxes- New Moon. What better a sign then to see 7 hawks flying over head on a New Moon.. I went on to read how hawks are one of the  most intriguing and mystical of the birds of pray. They are the messengers, the protectors and visionaries of the Air {Air also being in my sign of Gemini }That they can live up to 14 years in the wild and that 14 is significant. The 14th card in the tarot deck is the card of Temperance. This is the card that represents the teaching of higher expression of psychism and vision. It also has ties to the activation of of your vital energies {kundalini}and the bold expression of it. As well as having ties to the archetypal forces that teach about beauty and harmony. In a nut shell, it holds the key to higher levels of consciousness. After reading that all I could do was take a deep breath.  My mind wondered to the thoughts of the morning and that it is always a wonderful gift to have second sight in the things that seem to pass others by. Seems the Hawks had come not only to give their blessing but also to give me a deeper insight into the New Moon energy of Temperance, Harmony and the Beauty of Synchronicity. I could not help but walk to the porch and look to the sky in hopes that I would see them or at least one flying again over head. The sky was empty but in that moment I was drawn to remember another symbol of what I had witnessed. As they flew in a circle it was more like a spiral as the seven flew in formation but yet at different highest. spiraling upward and now from reading Ted Andrews they were also rising the Kundalini and opening a door of a deeper state of consciousness. In that moment I was taken back to what the Native American Shaman must of felt like as they looked to the sky and land to commune with Mother Earth and The Great Sky God.  That those that are lucky enough to have eyes to see and heart to be open know we are never truly alone on our journey. As I typed those last words a very large crow flew past my window and is now perched on the wire right outside my door. Guess his presence is perfectly timed. I must say it is a wonderful feeling to know I am watched over and guided. Seeing the crow validates once again that there is no moment that is missed and no thought that goes unnoticed.  I remember when I was first introduced to the concept "God"  I was lead to believe he once interacted with the humans on this planet and that he used burning bushes and angels as his messengers and when it was really important he would make his presence known. That he loved us so much that he told Noah to save his people and even asked his only human son to die so we could be set free from sin. I was always confused and took back at after all that why Angels no longer came to visit and though the sins of the people of earth are still as bad as in the old testament or even sometimes worse that  he seems to be content with leaving us with no help or even contact.  That some how we were no longer worthy of such interaction. That even if you asked a clergyman if angels were real and still visited that you would probably get a vague and useless answers.  This plagued me for years until my eyes were open to a new understanding, that "God" is in all things and he sends many messengers and has sent many of angels on this planet to help set his people free {now its seems it is a freedom of the mind he seeks}. I have come to believe it is the people that have closed their eyes not God who has turned his/her back. When was the last time you looked to the skies? The last time a stranger or a song said what you needed to hear? When was the last time you didn't feel alone or abandoned? Are you sure you have opened your eyes to see and your heart to hear? Maybe you are being spoken to or guided. Maybe just outside your door there is a crow trying to get your attention or a hawk flying overhead..  Whose really to say God did kick us out of the garden, maybe the truth is we turned our backs on him. Yesterday's messengers were more then a omen or sign. It was clear poof that "God" is alive and watching . No matter the word you use to describe him/her that is not what is important. What is important is that you realize you are never alone in your journey when you have eyes to see what is clearly being laid before you. When you learn to turn your eyes back to the heavens and open your ears to the whispers of the Angels.  Angels come in many forms and yesterday they came as 7 beautiful Hawks....