It always seems I have so much on my plate. Illness, being a single Mother along with being a driver and shopper for my Mother, writing a book, taking care of a house hold, getting my Yoga Certification, just being a women, sister, friend, seeking enlightenment, the list can go on and on.
These past two years though has been the hardest. I have had to let go of a relationship that had been toxic to me while fighting a court battle to protect the rights of my son to just say "No" . To have the court system look at him not as a number on a docket but a real living breathing person with emotions, feelings and opinions of his own, more important that kids have voices too and that they are not property to be fought over, used as a weapon of revenge or against their will be shuffled from home to home like a bag of luggage or exposed to bullying or abuse because one parent chooses a partner whose lifestyle is not like your own.
These past two years brought up Anger I had never experienced and pain so wrenching some days I thought my heart was just going to explode but I carried on the best I could. I let go of the distractions and worked on the co-depend behavior that kept me trying to make a sick man well with just my love. I learned how to stand up for what was right no matter the risk or cost and I held on to the truth knowing in my heart that it would in the end set us free.
I never gave up on the vision that some day I would get my children's book published along with the others that are waiting, like dreams on the shelve I was keeping, knowing one day I would grow tall and strong enough to reach them and pull them down and open them up. Lately I checked and I am so close to opening that first jar!! You know the feeling of " I cant tell you but I feel like I am here to do something important" that you just cant shake. It's that feeling that comes from deep in my soul that has kept me alive and moving through the pain, the doubts, the fear, the heart ache and betrayal I have experienced.
This morning I was drawn to get one of my Oracle decks out for my meditation. ISIS Oracle, one of my two latest ones, called to me. I simple asked can you tell me just something or a message about where I am going or whats going on? Knowing deeply that even I need outside validation of my outwardly path I knew the card that I would pull would give me insight, strength, warning or blessings. To my surprise it gave me all.
"The Divine Warrior guides you to your Divine Destiny. The Divine Warrior energy exists within men and women as an inner propulsion to continue with a worthy path even during times of difficulty. When faced with a challenge, a true Warrior will summon more of him or herself to the cause- it might be more wisdom, focus,intelligence and surrender into the Divine. The Warrior within has great inner resourcefulness and determination. This part of you will lead you to spiritual success"
As I read the description tears came to my eyes of just how true this card is when it comes to my Divine Warrior aspects and self. I have bravely faced many challenges yet never have I wavered very far from the path for very long before that inner voice would call me to summon everything I had to carry on. A deeper part of me knew that I just hadn't experienced all life had to offer me yet but more than that, what I was capable to accomplishing, Mind, Body or Soul.
I am just starting to be able to accept that in February of 2013 for the first time in over 15 years the virus that was causing the Cancer was "Non-Detected" because only 4 months later would the court battle began. I never really had a chance to celebrate my victory or enjoy my time in remission before we knew it would come again for me and it did. I am only starting to even comprehend that there are no more court dates, no more lawyers and mediation, that I no longer have to police myself and censor myself because of fear my words might turn into weapons that could lead to my son telling me again how "He wanted to end his life".
This path has not been a easy one but today's card gave a reassurance that I am on the Divine Warrior path and that Life will bring challenges of our truth, our integrity and determination to not give up the fight. The fight to live the life you were born to live, to be one day stand tall enough and strong enough to reach for your Dreams.
This card is for all of us who when we wanted to give up we didn't, We surrendered when we needed to and fought like Hell when we had to but most of all we listen to the Divine Warrior in each of us that whispered to us to just keep moving on.
May your Divine path be opened up and May you enter into this time of change as a gift for your diligent work of never giving up on yourself...
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