The Call Of The Divine Warrior......

It always seems I have so much on my plate. Illness, being a single Mother along with being a driver and shopper for my Mother, writing a book, taking care of a house hold,  getting my Yoga Certification, just being a women, sister, friend, seeking enlightenment, the list can go on and on.

These past two years though has been the hardest. I have had to let go of a relationship that had  been toxic to me while fighting a court battle to protect the rights of my son to just say "No" .  To have the court system look at him not as a number on a docket but a real living breathing person with emotions, feelings and opinions of his own, more important that kids have voices too and that they are not property to be fought over, used as a weapon of revenge or against their will be shuffled from home to home like a bag of luggage or exposed to bullying or abuse because one parent chooses a partner whose lifestyle is not like your own.

These past two years brought up Anger I had never experienced and pain so wrenching some days I thought my heart was just going to explode but I carried on the best I could. I let go of the distractions and worked on the co-depend behavior that kept me trying to make a sick man well with just my love. I learned how to stand up for what was right no matter the risk or cost and I held on to the truth knowing in my heart that it would in the end set us free.

 I never gave up on the vision that some day I would get my children's book published along with the others that are waiting, like dreams on the shelve I was keeping, knowing one day I would grow tall and strong enough to reach them and pull them down and open them up. Lately I checked and I am so close to opening that first jar!! You know the feeling of " I cant tell you but I feel like I am here to do something important"  that you just cant shake. It's that feeling that comes from deep in my soul that has kept me alive and moving through the pain, the doubts, the fear, the heart ache and betrayal I have experienced.

This morning I was drawn to get one of my Oracle decks out for my meditation.  ISIS Oracle, one of my two latest ones,  called to me. I simple asked can you tell me just something or a message about where I am going or whats going on? Knowing deeply that even I need outside validation of my outwardly path I knew the card that I would pull would give me insight, strength, warning or blessings.  To my surprise it gave me all.

   "The Divine Warrior guides you to your Divine Destiny. The Divine Warrior energy exists within men and women as an inner propulsion to continue with a worthy path even during times of difficulty. When faced with a challenge, a true Warrior will summon more of him or herself to the cause- it might be more wisdom, focus,intelligence and surrender into the Divine. The Warrior within has great inner resourcefulness and determination. This part of you will lead you to spiritual success"


As I read the description tears came to my eyes of just how true this card is when it comes to my Divine Warrior aspects and self.  I have bravely faced many challenges yet never have I wavered very far from the path for very long before that inner voice would call me to summon everything I had to carry on. A deeper part of me knew that I just hadn't experienced all life had to offer me yet but more than that, what I was capable to accomplishing, Mind, Body or Soul.

I am just starting to be able to accept that in February of 2013 for the first time in over 15 years the virus that was causing the Cancer was "Non-Detected" because only 4 months later would the court battle began. I never really had a chance to celebrate my victory or enjoy my time in remission before we knew it would come again for me and it did.  I am only starting to even comprehend that there are no more court dates, no more lawyers and mediation, that I no longer have to police myself and censor myself  because of fear my words might turn into weapons that could lead to my son telling me again how "He wanted to end his life".

 This path has not been a easy one but today's card gave a reassurance that I am on the Divine Warrior path and that Life will bring challenges of our truth, our integrity and determination to not give up the fight.  The fight to live the life you were born to live, to be one day stand tall enough and strong enough to reach for your Dreams.

This card is for all of us who when we wanted to give up we didn't, We surrendered when we needed to and fought like Hell when we had to but most of all we listen to the Divine Warrior in each of us that whispered to us to just keep moving on.

May your Divine path be opened up and May you enter into this time of change as a gift for your diligent work of never giving up on yourself...

Everyday is a winding road.......

When looking back over the years and just the posts on here I find that I have had as many new beginnings as I have hit dead ends. I am starting to think it has been neither. It has been more like a steady growth with the shedding of the old me along with creating a life that meets my needs and feeds my passions more than like a cow being lead to slaughter goes through the motions knowing in the end there is only death but never being able to fully enjoy life.

 I have witnessed many deaths of my old self over the years. Wayne Dyer said once that yes he believed in reincarnation he feels like he has been reborn many times in this lifetime and so do I. Maybe that is what the mystic were trying to say that as we awaken to our own individual strengths and weakness we can let go of  what no longer serves us and work at those things that bring us back into oneness with ourselves. With language we have created chaos and confusion. Simplicity is where we can find freedom from suffering.

When we relearn to trust ourselves and our inner voice the old world does die and a new one is born and sometimes it is in a blink of an insight and other times it is after suffering so long there in no other choice but to surrender.

When I first recognized how sick I was I remember standing in the bathroom telling my then husband that " yes I believe in the possibility of reincarnation but I will never be this person, in this time in history, with you and Austin or most of all in this skin I am in again". I remember how I pulled up the skin from my hand while saying those last words and think how true that statement was.  My whole life changed in that moment. I might not be guaranteed a afterlife but I am giving daily chances to become born again in this one by accepting my worth, living for and through my passions and accepting the small deaths along the journey that lead me back to the Truth.

Life is only a journey of self discovery you can either enjoy the ride or like a cow to slaughter wait for it to all end.

As for me I will keep moving down this winding road that keeps leading me back to my true authentic self....

We are capable of so much more....

Yesterday my mind was a buzz with blogging, bringing an old group Medical Misfits back to life on Facebook and feeling somewhat alive again. My body is still in a resting mode. I have been rubbing on Lemongrass oil on my neck and shoulders along with doTerra Balance.  The combination of the two have been helpful in relieving the stiffness in those areas. Yesterday was the first full day without a headache and No Body aches! I have decided to take the rest of the week and possible weekend to continue resting up while getting caught up. My mind seems to be sharper and ready to get on with organizing all the information and notes I have had since early 2000.

 I am right now and have been going through my numerous notebooks and getting familiar with what is in them. Since a lot of them were written during my illness and I cant even remember writing most of the things.  I recognize my hand writing but some of the words and thoughts are escaping me now when I am looking back. You can't imagine what a strange sense I get when reading such emotional words knowing they came from my heart but I have no memory of writing them let alone experiencing them,  During my illness Dr. P said to help me understand how the reoccurring encephalitis was affecting my brain was to watch 50 First Dates. That gave me the idea to write so I could remember but I seemed to forgot sometimes to write, leaving just moments in time captured on paper with no rhyme or reason. Thoughts along with recipes. yoga theory and poses, insight into inflammation, viral diseases to evolution theories and profound understandings of man and his relationship to the universe and himself.  it is a 15 year of study and inner perspective during a time when I was trying to understand what was happening to me and my body. It is a looking back not in the same way as one remembers memories of a past it is more in the amazement that the mind is more than a body part that tells the body what it is seeing, feeling and then try and make sense of it. It is a beautiful bio organic computer capable of doing things in which we have yet to be able to understand. One can say it has a mind of its own. Possibly a higher mind/self in which with open ears all of us can hear when we listen with our hearts and not the mind.  I can only speak for myself but in my case that higher mind was not only being a single mother but taking notes and gathering information to not only keep me alive then but even know. It left me memories of moments in time but it also left me with insight that has changed the very person I am and I see it changing my future as over the past 48 hours I have been amazed by the information I have at my fingertips. Its like many books are waiting to be written and all the research has already been done for me. Like a good student its time for me to gather my notes and write that thesis. My life is taking shape and I am so glad I am not in charge but my passion for helping others, my desire to be the change I want to see and the sheer fact that I didn't come this far to leave just yet, is!!! Time to let the Higher Mind/ Spirit Conciseness/Heart/Soul any word you describe that Divine Essences that never left my side while I was sick and kept my body, heart and soul in the kind of Faith it took to fight the sleeping dragon to take the reigns this time, the only difference is illness does not have to be its inspiration, Living an authentic life is.....

Getting Back To Life...

As I am gathering myself and my things this morning for my Tea and Mediation time, I found myself smiling as I felt like a school girl going off to school. Getting my tea or sometimes sacred cacao going as I gather my note books, binders, pencils and pens, then spontaneously start grabbing things around the house to sit with and drink my morning cup of love and medicine. I laughed out loud as I thought "Oh yes, better grab that Yoga Teacher book, I need to spend time studying that today." Off to school I go, The College of Justine!!
 What a laugh but what a truth that is! I might not of been the best student in a industrial set up school but I am so the Poster Child of a Home Schooler,  I find a subject I like and I am interested in and within 48 hours I can and have researched more about it than most people would in their lifetime. It use to be jokingly said if you wanted to know anything ask Justine, she either will know, find out, or find someone who could answer it. Oh and the subjects ranged from simple how to's all the way to quantum physics and alternate origins of evolution.
Then I got sick and the doctors had no answers, so I turned to what I know best research. Just this time I thought I was researching to understand my illness and ended up learning how to safe my own life.
 Over 18 years ago I started a journey of holistic healing and conscious living that not only changed my life but as I said saved it. It start with a virus that just wouldn't go away and in early 2011 that virus became Cancer and Reoccurring Encephalitis and I had to fight for my life and my Consciousnesses (Brain) every day until February  2013 when the Cancer went dormant again. That still left many battles with now every virus in the Family Tree active but that also gave me years to study and  research my illness and other Autoimmune disorders and Inflammation diseases. I took that along with my history of study in the esoteric and mystic approach to healing and causes of disease and discovered the answers had been with me all along. Wow, what a ride it has been and I have tried to share with you along the way what has saved my life and gave me such a adventure in emotions but also helped me get through some of the most challenging times of my life and I have been honored to share that journey with you on here, Facebook, Instagram and most of all in person.
Though out those years I have kept many journals and notes and recipes that not only gave me inspiration through the years but insight to the Mind and Body connection along with the Divine presence that is moving through us and around us always. Over the past few months I have been coming across more and more notes and I was feeling a strong sense it is time for me to gather them. This last bout with the virus was not pretty and it came on faster than ever but left faster than ever!! It was like being given a second chance at life! How many times do I need to face death before I can finally lock that door behind me. I think twice is enough and since I was told another would kill me I see last week as a inspiration to get back to School! The school of life and gather and share, even possible lecture or teach again. I feel anything is possible! I didn't realize it until last night. The doctors knew the virus would come for me and it did, I faced the sleeping dragon and I put him to sleep before he could kill me. What a sense of gratitude I am having in this moment. The areas I have spent the last two years holding onto worked better than any western medicine could of ever did alone for me. I have learned so much about food, yoga and the divine body and the combined power of faith and action.
Over the winter I hope to share the journey of gathering my notes and recipes and developing a way to bring them into creation..  To be able to share those areas in which helps to serve your higher purpose and bring you, me and our planet back into balance with nature and ourselves.

I had a vision this last time I was sick it was time to weave my web of light so that not only may The Wounded Healer feel comforted but bring healing to all that wish to be healed, changed or transformed through faith and action.

" We must heal what is fractured before we can become whole."
                                                                                   Justine Brasil
                                                                                             (2006)

Guess it time to gather my notes and get back to the school of life, I have some living to do......

Time For Love Rehab in the Dept. Of Self-Love!

When it comes to Self Love many of us believe we already do. Our actions and words say otherwise.

  In my journey to find love I have been often told that I can not find love until I learned to love myself. Like others when I would hear this I would think I already do! If I didnt I would of stayed in realtionships that were painful and disfunctional. Yet I keep finding myself in relationships that are just that! They were not always as bad as the last but never less just as painful and disappointing. I felt I was a strong, independent women who had fought all odds to not only stay alive but raise a happy healthy young man through it all, so there had to be self love somewhere in there? Right?

  I am finding its not as simple as that and of course my actions and the fact that I am not enjoying a healthy loving relationship is making it quite obvious that my self love needs some rehab. I now understand that loving myself is essential to not only my personal growth but also to the fulfillment of my dreams and to developing healthy, happy relationships with others and instead of just trying to talk myself into believeing that I have self love. I need to have self-love and learn to foster compassion for myself and do it without thinking I am being selfish or that my needs are not as important as everyone else. 

I have decided to dedicate the month of October to be a Love Rehab month.  I plan on experimenting over the next 30 days in the area of
Self-Love!! Not Ego Love but True Self Love, the kind that develops only from self acceptance and validation.

I figured I better start out with three simple but important guidlines.

1. It is not selfish to care about yourself!!

If some of us put half the effort we put into other into ourselves  our lives would do a 360 turn around.
So this month I will make sure I am treating myself no differnt than anyone else. My needs and desires are important as well and they need to be met like everyone else!! 

2. Maintain my boundries!!

This is the only way I will be able to do #1. Dr. Phil had a line that I liked "You teach people how to treat you" and I have done that most of my life but like others I have not done it in a authentic way. I have allowed my need to be validated and accepted to get in the way of setting healthy and loving boundries for myself and others.  Its time I retaught myself and others around me what is now acceptable and what is not. 

3. Do what I need to do to be me and have my needs met!!

This too will be tough. When you have most of your life thought of others before yourself its not a easy task to now look at your wants and your needs.  I am sure over the next month I will start to see where my giving myself away has limited my abilty to not only have my needs met but be able to express them with healthy boundries and have a true idea of what self love is..

I am not sure where I will be at the end of the month but I have a feeling it will be a great way to celebrate my life as well as ignite my passion in ways I never belived possiable.

When I think about what the world would be like if we all practiced self love for ourselves along with compassion and acceptance for others I kind of feel like Neil Armstrong.  'That's one small step for Man, One giant leap for Mankind"

Like aways you are welcome to come along for the journey, I am sure we can all use a little Self-Love Rehab in our lives.....