Day 3 Spirituality and Healing in Action and my thoughts on 9/11

Woke up this morning feeling like a battle raging inside me. I can feel every part of me aching and my stomach is wrenching to remove anything and everything. It seems the battle to regain my health has begun! 


Some have said this is the healing crisis. As your body removes toxins and the build up as they release can make you feel sicker then you were to start with.  I have felt this before with the virus but this time I know it is the new nutrients that are now doing battle against the toxins that keep my immune system from being able to fight. it is like the story of the 300.. the few will battle as the strength of 1000..  


The difference this morning was I had my boy by my side. He rose to the occasion and before I knew it was making our smoothies and telling me to hang on.. Like a angel he peeled and poured add our emergen-C and then blended like a champ! His eyes sparkled as he carefully poured our drinks and then smiled and said " here everything will be better soon". He is right! I am so lucky to be loved like that with nothing asked in return. 


Yesterday as I stood looking out into the woods asking how as a people, a nation and a planet we have gotten so lost in what is important to our survival as a species, as an earth family. I looked at my part, what roll does my everyday  life play into that and it brought tears to my eyes as I had to look at my own action or I must say lack of.  Then it hit me, it was 9/11 . All the lives lost and for what??? All the lives effected by a moment in time that still leaves confusion, mistrust and hated in the hearts of many. I remember the next day posting a sign on the back of my V.W. Bug that read " Let them not die in vain" Here I stood all these years later and I was guilt of the one thing I had hoped would not be lost in that tragic event. The importance of LIFE itself!!!


The value we put on human lives, on our own lives and those of our family. I too had lost touch of that and let myself slip into a sleep of denial of just how precious we really our. what a miracle each one of are and how the lose of just one life should be felt through all as if it was a part of us that died. Because in truth it is. We forget there was only one mother of man kind! no matter your theory on how life began. It can only be traced to one.. weather Eve or a fish in the sea.. it all started somewhere with one... so every time someone dies we have lost a family member, even if they were a stranger to you their essence lives within you.  From a moral stand they were someones mother, father, sister, brother, ect .... this goes for all living things.

That day should of marked in my life and the lives of all american that human life is more important then what we are fighting for or the greed of money. At that moment when faced with my own arrogance and denial I made a commitment to those that died on 9/11 to live the best life I could live because unlike them they will never have a chance to reach their full potential. They will never have a chance to see this nation rise from the ashes to become the brotherhood of one nation under GOD!!! 


So today as I hang my head over the toilet and my body shakes and aches with pain I will remember their last  moments of terror, suffering and pain.. the fear so great they leaped from windows to not burn alive. That they will not die in vain on my watch for them I will push on.. and become all that I can be. I will raise my bar to meet any challenge in their names and through their hearts! I will not forget how precious life is and how if each one of  us did the same that day in history would not be looked upon as tragic but a a call to the nations of the world and its people that we must start loving ourselves and loving each other because one day we might be faced with our own immortality and realized we wasted what time we did have on things that in the moment of death will hold no value but by then it will of been to late.     


For my son and his sons and daughter and theirs, today again I ask the good lord to watch over the people of this planet and may we all raise our own personal bar and strive not only for personal gain but that of the whole planet and all its children. 


Amen........

Day 1 Spirituality and Healing in Action....

   This morning I started a journey back to self, I know this will take patience, mental discipline, meditation and action.  It will also take intention, focus and faith. these are all qualities I have held in the past but only pieces of them like touching a snow flake before it melts. This time they must become who I am not words I am trying to reach for or a goal I am trying to achieve. 


At times this will not be easy for in the beginning as a friend of an angel said today " I must let go and watch the miracles flow" those might not of been same words but the mean sure spoke to how I have felt all morning. It is easier to put my faith on the future when my intention is placed in the now...  each moment will take focus  and I must have patience with myself as I let go so that the miracles can come in. 


 I have always seen myself as love in motion. Stretching, bending and expanding my understanding of myself and where to flow next. Now it is time to take this Gemini mind and put action to my thoughts and allow the aspect of my Virgo rising to help me stay centered and one my path. Once again my words bring a promise of a new reality now if I can just get the rest of me to go along I should be fine.  

Waking up to a New Reality...

Once again as I pop my head out of the rabbit hole I find myself at once again another cross road.  I first started this blog for my son. When I found out that I could die at any moment I wanted to leave him something. Something more than pictures or other peoples perceptions of who they thought I was. 

It seems that most of my life even up to today most people who think they know me really don't,  they only see the version of me that fits into their experiences. I have come to this conclusion because it seems that no matter my intentions I still get judged by other peoples ideas of what and who I should be not who I truly am.  I thought Austin deserved my truth and not someone else's.   

Then as I got sicker I felt it might be a way to explain to him and all those who questioned my sanity a peek into to medical reasons why things appeared the way they did. Not that it mattered anymore what they thought but it was finally a validation to myself that as Dr. V say " you should be crazy but your not. if it wasn't  for the virus and  if you were born in another time, in another family you would  of been a great scholar" that was what all my life I had waited to hear. true validation that it was not me but a crazy virus that has plagued my brain and my nervous system most of my life and that even though most people would of taken a victim roll by now in life I had rose above known that I was capable of more than what the world had seen of me.  It also showed there were still doctors out there that cared about us as people not just a face in a sea of many. I think that my hope too was that my story would help others who were struggling with health issues that they were not alone.

I have struggled to keep up this blog because the illness I have takes its toll on my communication and in sometimes just reaching out to others. I cant explain it but there is so much we still don't know about the brain and how it effects personality and expression of that. Needless to say it has been a work in progress. 

Now I have once again decided to make my blog a place of expression. A place to share my life and how I see things, how I am now going to take control over this illness through eating and lifestyle. It also will be a record of my journey back to self.  

I had a dream last night that I was preparing, preparing for something wonderful and great. There was a gentle soul which stood next to me and it was not through words but feeling the sense of are you ready? you will do well, you have been waiting for this. Like a school girl waiting for her first day or like your first job interview I looked back like yes I can do this, I am ready and with a feeling that no words can express I was ready to step through then I heard a faint beep, each time it got louder and louder till I realized that sounded like a alarm. That cant be I said to myself we don't use those and where is that coming from? I opened my eyes and it was coming from Austins room a clock which the alarm has never been set was going off. I turned it off and hurried back to bed.. could I get back to were I was? where was I going? I want to go there as I tried to go back it was no use I was now awake. then it dawned on me.. I was were I was spouse to be. That alarm shouldn't of went off and the time was perfect to the dream.   within a short time to my amazement I felt Austin patting me saying " Good Mother very Good" I looked over and he had a grin I had never seen before.  Like the chestier cat, he was in heaven then he wrapped his arms around me and said "your the greatest mom ever!! your a great mom, never forget that". we hugged and then we both cried known without words something had happened to both of us as we slept. I was amazing to share that moment with him.

I am sure of one thing this morning and one thing only, that I have a second chance and weather it was God, My Angelic Family, Galactic Family or just a high expression of myself, I have someone that believes in me as much as I have always believed in myself and this morning they set me free to live the life I have always been meant to live. And knowing that has truly set me free....