Another rainy morning here in the woods.
The past couple of days the weather has reflected my many moods as my birthday approaches.
This has been a time of great reflection as I watch myself let go once again of many concepts and beliefs that have kept me in a holding pattern.
People are coming and going out of my life, summer is slowly approaching and I am working hard to get my voice and life back.
I have been watching my own patterns while learning how to discern illusion from reality in others again.
It's as if I have woke up in universe that looks like mine but in many ways is very different. That the small but important changes I see around me are just a reflection of what is going on inside me as well. Everyday I see more of myself that I am finally accepting and there is more I am not willing to tolerant as I once did. My value is not measured by how many friends I have by my side, that someone is attracted to me or not or even that anyone finds what I have to say of any intelligence use. I am valued because I see my worth even if those around me are still blind or afraid of it.
One of the freedoms I found moving to a new state and place was I for the first time since a child I was free to be me. To set the tone of who I was and that first year here was amazingly beautiful. I made deeper connects with myself and others around me in ways I had not in years.
That changed as I took on a relationship that was very codependent and self sabotaging. Those years were tough because threw those I was also physically fighting for my life. What damage the virus did not do to my life that relationship did. By the time I had the courage to walk away from that relationship and the virus went dormant my ex husband put me into a emotionally charged court battle for two years. This took me away from my passions, caused my focus to not be on my spirit but on my fears of this world and the future of my son. I also began out of fear to censor my words, thoughts and life. This protection has been very hard to come back from.
And now that I want my voice and life back the world has become obsessed with words and it seems opinions are about to be outlawed.
Where does that leave me now?
I really do not know. I seem to still be afraid to post words on Facebook not to offend anyone. So many posts deleted due to confusion of what is now acceptable or not. Words seem to have double meanings and now there are words I have never heard of before.
I think I need a break.....
I have decided that as a gift to myself for my birthday it's time to find my voice and get to living my life. I thought about what has been missing and what has changed since the virus and it is time to use the Full moon energy to carry me back to some basics but also to create some new habits and passions.
I have noticed how much time is wasted on Facebook posting and reading things that really carry little value to help my life except to confuse me or anger me. The occasional recipe or shared events are enjoyable but It's funny how now Facebook is like tv.. reruns of posted shared with little depth into really what is happening in each others lives and how we are helping to make a difference in the world even if it is just our little piece of it.
In many groups I find the same thing, lots of people look but many never posting thoughts, ideas, theories or they are trolled so bad why bother being in them. I have decided that for the month of June I will be limiting my posting on Facebook. I will be sharing though pictures on Instagram and my blog. I will be keeping up with my page but it too may take on a new format..
I feel this will get me back in my creative mood while giving me space to write without fear of censoring myself.
This also gets me back to the basics of myself...
The things that ground and center me while still allowing myself room to grow.
I have also decided to not censor my blog anymore.
It is true, it is a space I have been trying to create for many years and
I have found myself drifting back and forth trying to decide what this space should be and look like. This too is going back to basics!
This blog was called "This Is My Life" for a reason.
The virus took a lot from me and I seem to finally be gaining it back and this Blog was created to share my journey, my life and my insights and that is just what I am going to do. This means that if you are part of my life then you will be part of this blog, uncensored and from my perception only.
Some of you will have no problem with that others of you might not but the truth is for me to be the best me I can be I need a platform to share my thoughts, ideas and concerns without having to censor myself for fear of hurting your feelings, telling you my truth or expressing my feelings about any given things that pertains to me. Over the years many people never gave a thought about how I might feel, it was always Justine will understand, she will be okay that much is true but now I am care more about me than you. Maybe a bit selfish and maybe even to others I might seem mean
but I am done catering to those who won't do the same for me.
Taking this month to reground in my Truths and lay a new foundation. I have given Facebook many years of my time and I love staying connected but I am looking for real connection now, real people in my life and a openness to words and discussion that will lead somewhere more than a post on Facebook.
Am I sure where this will lead? No. Will I know what it will look like? No
But isn't that the point of life.. to follow your heart regardless if it makes sense or you even know where you are going..
Thank you to everyone or anyone who reads my blog and I hope you will continue to share my journey as wild or boring it might become.
So if want to stay connected PM me, follow me on Instagram or this blog..
Either way it's my life and I am going to live it.....
This mornings Yoga stretch and meditation. ..
This morning with laying the foundation for a new commitment I thought it would be a nice idea to lay a crystal grid and then while in Savasana place the
Crystals on my Chakras to help clear and ground me. It was amazing to lay there and feel the crystals radiate there healing
properties through out my energy field and body. Once I was done and put away the crystals I had noticed I had left one out.
I soon realized that it would be the crystal I would be working with this month. I had asked to go back to the basics.
Working with crystals and stones were a major part of learning to work and sense energy many many years ago..
The crystal for this month is Celestite.. seems only fitting don't you think!
Except for now feeling like I am floating, I am off to start my day and this new venture...
