Friday, August 19, 2011
My Visit With The Queen Of The Angels
Yesterday was an amazing day in many ways. I woke up with the sun shining through my window and the birds calling me to play so I did. I headed out early to take care of somethings but also to fill the place in my soul that was calling. Before I knew it I found myself at a beautiful monastery walking the grounds.
The crows were leading me down the path with their music and what a path it was.. saints were along the walk way, a place to sit at the water and mediate. with twist and turns along a tree lined path leading me to Mother Mary adorned with fresh flowers and the children on Fatima knelling before her.. What a beautiful site. I couldn't help myself I was drawn to knelling among the children asking mother Mary to pray for me. I have been to Fatima in Portugal and what a beautiful experiance that was to knee the path of Fatima and that moment was coming to life again in that second. The crows were now loud and flying around like some dance but something seemed strange. As I finished my prayers of thanks and of healing I rose to an open field and as I stepped down the rock stairs to the field a light from the sun shined down brighter then I have ever seen and made the trees glisten with color... I started to feel strange but thought of it as just a feeling of overwhelming because all my senses were going. I stood in the clearing like a child being bathed in the sunlight of the heavens.. As I sensed my cleansing I walked away in somewhat Of a loss of moment or of time its self. As I still followed the path I found myself now not feeling so well. Maybe I did too much, Maybe I should go back.. the crows were getting louder and I started to feel sweaty and clammy and knew this wasn't looking good. I watched a jogger coming down the path.. she seemed like a angel her blonde hair flowing in the wind and a smile that lite up the world, then her face shifted and I knew then something wasn't right. Next thing I could remember was coming to in her arms and her eyes were filled with concern and my heart was beating so it echoed in my head like the beating of a drum. I kept thinking they are right, even when i am alone I am never truly alone.. They have sent me an angel. As she helped me to my feet we seemed to speak in silence as each one of took a moment to realize what had just happened. She walked me back to the nearest bench and sat with me till I gained my strength and thought back. We lightened it up joking she thought she might have to get the monks... weather for help or last rites we weren't sure. All I knew was that the love and kindness of this stranger was a beautiful experience. If that would of been my last moment I would not of died alone and I would of been held in the arms of love. In time we parted ways with a bottle of water and my promise of going and being looked at. So I did.
By the time I got home my blood pressure was 178/105 and rising by the time I got to the ER at times it was 199/103 . As I laid on the hospital bed where I have found myself so many times, I am reminded how lonely this room can be. with machines and people coming in and out it feels more surreal then the experience in that open field. The dance of doctors, nurses, lab tech and cat scan machine echo gram, ect.. The one thing is all the familiar faces from visits past. There is always a calm that comes over me now when I am there a sense of " Its is what It Is" .. My thought keep going back to Mother Mary. Had I been cleansed but yet here I was... Was that problem with my eye and face have to do with this... question of the mind but my heart held the image of Mother Mary.. The Goddess Herself... watching me and keeping me safe. Once again I had rode out what ever it was to come to the hospital after and since I made it, all would be well. Like a drama played out to entertain the mind. I was fine and going home.. The left side of my face was coming back and my eye seemed to be doing better and thinking of Mother Mary had brought my blood pressure back to its norm ( 160/87, which is high but for a girl who lives everyday her body fighting a virus thats pretty good..) I came home and slept.. dreaming of Crows and Angels. Of Mother Mary and her presence. Overall I would say It was a good day. Knelled before the Queen of the Angels, woke up in the arms of an Angel and was once again given another day to live. So for my friend Jane I will be grateful Today " I am alive and well" ... What today brings I have yet to tell....
The crows were leading me down the path with their music and what a path it was.. saints were along the walk way, a place to sit at the water and mediate. with twist and turns along a tree lined path leading me to Mother Mary adorned with fresh flowers and the children on Fatima knelling before her.. What a beautiful site. I couldn't help myself I was drawn to knelling among the children asking mother Mary to pray for me. I have been to Fatima in Portugal and what a beautiful experiance that was to knee the path of Fatima and that moment was coming to life again in that second. The crows were now loud and flying around like some dance but something seemed strange. As I finished my prayers of thanks and of healing I rose to an open field and as I stepped down the rock stairs to the field a light from the sun shined down brighter then I have ever seen and made the trees glisten with color... I started to feel strange but thought of it as just a feeling of overwhelming because all my senses were going. I stood in the clearing like a child being bathed in the sunlight of the heavens.. As I sensed my cleansing I walked away in somewhat Of a loss of moment or of time its self. As I still followed the path I found myself now not feeling so well. Maybe I did too much, Maybe I should go back.. the crows were getting louder and I started to feel sweaty and clammy and knew this wasn't looking good. I watched a jogger coming down the path.. she seemed like a angel her blonde hair flowing in the wind and a smile that lite up the world, then her face shifted and I knew then something wasn't right. Next thing I could remember was coming to in her arms and her eyes were filled with concern and my heart was beating so it echoed in my head like the beating of a drum. I kept thinking they are right, even when i am alone I am never truly alone.. They have sent me an angel. As she helped me to my feet we seemed to speak in silence as each one of took a moment to realize what had just happened. She walked me back to the nearest bench and sat with me till I gained my strength and thought back. We lightened it up joking she thought she might have to get the monks... weather for help or last rites we weren't sure. All I knew was that the love and kindness of this stranger was a beautiful experience. If that would of been my last moment I would not of died alone and I would of been held in the arms of love. In time we parted ways with a bottle of water and my promise of going and being looked at. So I did.
By the time I got home my blood pressure was 178/105 and rising by the time I got to the ER at times it was 199/103 . As I laid on the hospital bed where I have found myself so many times, I am reminded how lonely this room can be. with machines and people coming in and out it feels more surreal then the experience in that open field. The dance of doctors, nurses, lab tech and cat scan machine echo gram, ect.. The one thing is all the familiar faces from visits past. There is always a calm that comes over me now when I am there a sense of " Its is what It Is" .. My thought keep going back to Mother Mary. Had I been cleansed but yet here I was... Was that problem with my eye and face have to do with this... question of the mind but my heart held the image of Mother Mary.. The Goddess Herself... watching me and keeping me safe. Once again I had rode out what ever it was to come to the hospital after and since I made it, all would be well. Like a drama played out to entertain the mind. I was fine and going home.. The left side of my face was coming back and my eye seemed to be doing better and thinking of Mother Mary had brought my blood pressure back to its norm ( 160/87, which is high but for a girl who lives everyday her body fighting a virus thats pretty good..) I came home and slept.. dreaming of Crows and Angels. Of Mother Mary and her presence. Overall I would say It was a good day. Knelled before the Queen of the Angels, woke up in the arms of an Angel and was once again given another day to live. So for my friend Jane I will be grateful Today " I am alive and well" ... What today brings I have yet to tell....
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Bedside Diary: Today Has Been A Good Day
Well as I start to call it a night I have accomplished a lot from my bed. I saw the living room maybe once or twice today and passed by the kitchen on my stops to the bathroom. I found myself going for quick trips to the kitchen then back to my bed. It was not my prison today but my oasis. I place of solitude and rest. From this bed many plans are made and many dreams have been lost. Something about today allowed me to work through the isolation. To reach out from my inner space to touch you and touch a deeper part of myself. It was like Dr. V said " You will learn to work with your illness" and yes with acceptance came flow today. With surrendering all my burdens to the God within I am feeling a new sense of freedom. I saw today as a new beginning, one with small steps. Each moment a chance to change my destiny, to expand who I am by discovering what I am made of. In that I mean my ability to transform my thoughts into extensions of who I am. To move from thought into action and action into reality. Like a Caterpillar who in my cocoon dreamed of one day being a Butterfly with all its wonderful colors and it ability to fly. I must have put my thoughts into action and with patience I must wait for it to become my reality. I must trust all along in the small still voice that says one day at a time love, one day at a time. Until I emerge the butterfly in all my glory... I must surrender and flow for only then can the grace of faith and love create change from within... for without change from within there is no outer reflection of change, only the illusion of one!
Living My Elusive Dream....
This morning started like any other one would on a day when I plan on starting a new way of life, not like I planned. Isn't that how it always is, when your planning for a change it is usually on a day when you have nothing going. you would love to be doing something, sometimes anything but usually not one thing. So you day dream how your life could be. You make plans in your head maybe even take some notes. Oh how tomorrow would be the perfect day, yes tomorrow.
How many nights I have gone to bed dreaming of tomorrow. Please understand most of my dreams have come true but its the elusive dream that I speak of now. The one that is really only a day away, maybe even a second away. Becoming me. I wish I had another word or way to describe it. All my life it is like there has been a vision that I carry deep in my heart. A vision of what I can become. The artist, The speaker, The writer, The lover, The friend, The conscious being and the true expansion of who I am. That picture that I touch through only my emotions and imagination has been calling me all my life. It is what guides my life. It is why I make the choices I do and why I am so misunderstood at time. It is what keeps me alive and in a beautiful state of mind through all my experiences. It is my reason for living. Because I know " If the mind can conceive it, then it is possible to achieve it! "
This image seems to have a life and will of its own. guiding and, helping me. It feels like its trying to call me home. To someone who feels familiar yet I cant remember being her. It all seems to surreal to put into words but I will say this it is a dream I hold close to my heart but have been slow to manifest it. Maybe I should say I have had many lessons around this. Each lesson pushing me closer but yet the little things that held me stuck I cling to like a life preserver. Each night vowing to change and each morning awaking to the same day. The only thing that would change is the numbers on the calender and about now they seem to have stooped too. Those of you that now me know that I am at a time when change is a must! So today was very important, at least it was yesterday!
So waking up this morning with a eye problem, HBP nausea, Headache and did I mention bad time for the girl thing, was no fun! Before I could even realize today was suppose to be a NEW day my old programs were up and running. Oh how easy it would of been to say ah maybe tomorrow will be better. Once I looked in the mirror it was over. No matter what I am changing starting today. So from my bed I have; had a cup of tea, meditated (posted it on facebook) stretched and gave myself a reiki treatment. got up and had a nice farm fresh salad for lunch and now going to watch a video a friend request me to. So I have decide Hell or High Water I am moving forward.. Yesterday Dream are Tomorrows Reality!!!!!! And I only Have This Moment in Between!!!! I did something today towards my dreams have you? no excuses, just do!
How many nights I have gone to bed dreaming of tomorrow. Please understand most of my dreams have come true but its the elusive dream that I speak of now. The one that is really only a day away, maybe even a second away. Becoming me. I wish I had another word or way to describe it. All my life it is like there has been a vision that I carry deep in my heart. A vision of what I can become. The artist, The speaker, The writer, The lover, The friend, The conscious being and the true expansion of who I am. That picture that I touch through only my emotions and imagination has been calling me all my life. It is what guides my life. It is why I make the choices I do and why I am so misunderstood at time. It is what keeps me alive and in a beautiful state of mind through all my experiences. It is my reason for living. Because I know " If the mind can conceive it, then it is possible to achieve it! "
This image seems to have a life and will of its own. guiding and, helping me. It feels like its trying to call me home. To someone who feels familiar yet I cant remember being her. It all seems to surreal to put into words but I will say this it is a dream I hold close to my heart but have been slow to manifest it. Maybe I should say I have had many lessons around this. Each lesson pushing me closer but yet the little things that held me stuck I cling to like a life preserver. Each night vowing to change and each morning awaking to the same day. The only thing that would change is the numbers on the calender and about now they seem to have stooped too. Those of you that now me know that I am at a time when change is a must! So today was very important, at least it was yesterday!
So waking up this morning with a eye problem, HBP nausea, Headache and did I mention bad time for the girl thing, was no fun! Before I could even realize today was suppose to be a NEW day my old programs were up and running. Oh how easy it would of been to say ah maybe tomorrow will be better. Once I looked in the mirror it was over. No matter what I am changing starting today. So from my bed I have; had a cup of tea, meditated (posted it on facebook) stretched and gave myself a reiki treatment. got up and had a nice farm fresh salad for lunch and now going to watch a video a friend request me to. So I have decide Hell or High Water I am moving forward.. Yesterday Dream are Tomorrows Reality!!!!!! And I only Have This Moment in Between!!!! I did something today towards my dreams have you? no excuses, just do!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Wanna Take a Journey with me?
Today is the doorway to the unknown for me I have been at this door before, I have even stepped through but my life never depended on it more. Yes like everyone I have faced life's challenges and suffered the pain of my emotional body. I have also have been living with the silent pain of my physical body. The time has come for me to braid myself into the conscious human being I wish to be.
I am more and more finding myself coming from a place of Jung then of the starry eyed girl I once was. It is like Alice in Wonderland. Some how you come to the hole a curious girl but find yourself becoming a women, no less with all aspect of what that holds.
I bravely know that without change I will surly die. the thought of this at times scares me. Not the thought of physical death as much as emotional and spiritual. You see I have found there are many forms of dying, Emotional, Spiritual and Physical. The good news is that each one holds its own opportunity for rebirth as well ... Dying a quick spiritual or emotional death seems quite rare and the pain of suffering year after year, life after life does not hold its appeal it once did. The comfort of pain.. the comfort of standing still.
I would say now that physical death is now knocking it is time to rise above and meet this Challenge with the knowing that without change there is no growth, without growth there is no expansion, and expansion is life.. We can not even breathe without it.. expansion is why we are here. I have been studying a lot around the wounded healer and seeing that maybe my purpose and journey is to heal from within so that all around me to shall be healed. Either way I finally become the essence of true transformation. Resurrection of the mind, body and spirit. To become the essence of what can be not of what has been. There has come a point now in my life where as they say the pavement meets the rode, I am surly there. So I take a deep breath and step through, want to come with me?.. I can not promise you it will be easy or that I even pretend to know the ending but I do know one thing! It will be life transforming either way.
I am more and more finding myself coming from a place of Jung then of the starry eyed girl I once was. It is like Alice in Wonderland. Some how you come to the hole a curious girl but find yourself becoming a women, no less with all aspect of what that holds.
I bravely know that without change I will surly die. the thought of this at times scares me. Not the thought of physical death as much as emotional and spiritual. You see I have found there are many forms of dying, Emotional, Spiritual and Physical. The good news is that each one holds its own opportunity for rebirth as well ... Dying a quick spiritual or emotional death seems quite rare and the pain of suffering year after year, life after life does not hold its appeal it once did. The comfort of pain.. the comfort of standing still.
I would say now that physical death is now knocking it is time to rise above and meet this Challenge with the knowing that without change there is no growth, without growth there is no expansion, and expansion is life.. We can not even breathe without it.. expansion is why we are here. I have been studying a lot around the wounded healer and seeing that maybe my purpose and journey is to heal from within so that all around me to shall be healed. Either way I finally become the essence of true transformation. Resurrection of the mind, body and spirit. To become the essence of what can be not of what has been. There has come a point now in my life where as they say the pavement meets the rode, I am surly there. So I take a deep breath and step through, want to come with me?.. I can not promise you it will be easy or that I even pretend to know the ending but I do know one thing! It will be life transforming either way.
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