I also have been going through a weeding out of the people, place and beliefs ( mine and others) that were holding me back from the life I have always wanted to live. While doing this I had to be vigilant to make sure the stress of court and the toxic people I still had around me didn't trigger a relapse of my virus or cause other complications.
It had been easy to weed out my friends. Time has a way of doing that for me. I did not chase what did not want to stay and allowed people to be themselves without making excuses for them and before I knew it they went away or moved on with their own lives. This made for lonely times but I found that allowed me time to work on me. Why did I still need validation from outside myself and why was I still trying to find my worth in relationships, weather they be love or friendship? The answers did not come easily but over time more has been reveled. Working on changing old patterns of thinking and acting can be very hard when you are being pulled in many direction by people, places and things. Yet somehow over the last two years as I had less people in my inner circle and kept mostly to myself the bigger picture emerged and so did the distraction along with my unrealistic need to save the world. Before I knew it all had become clear to me. Not just in my mind this time but in my spirit and being.
These last two years has brought me many lessons, along with a new clarity about my life and who I will allow in it. What I will give my attention to and how I want my relationships to be with others. I also have rekindled my passion for writing, food and yoga. I have rededicated myself to feeling free to express who I am and share my world in a way that helps others find their way to peace and liberation as well.
I want to thank those of you who have stood by my side and to those who have now moved on, thank you for the loneliness that allowed me to see that chasing friends or family is not for me. That accepting ones behavior that I do not agree with did not make me a saint, it made me a fool. A fool to blind to see that when someone is not in alignment with my values and integrity I do not have to judge but I also do not have to agree. That more then likely that relationship or friendship is not healthy for me and the lesson always is to let it be. That my worth no longer lies in will you be there for me or that you want me in your life. It lies in the fact that I now are truly learning to love and accept me. My worth is found in my passion and I no longer need validation from others to be okay with me. I know the lesson of putting this into practice is just starting but I finally can breath a sense of relief that I no longer have to define who I am or what I am doing by anything or anyone outside of me.
In this crazy human world I now accept I am different then most and my experiences do not define me, they have only guided me into accepting that it's okay to see the world different because not everyone is going to see the world the same or even come close to being like me. It's not my job anymore to make them understand me or even accept me, just to inform and then let it be. Those that are meant to stay, will and those that are not, that too is now okay with me.
I hope to be more steady with my blogs, sharing this new chapter, hell new book and adventure with you. I invite you to follow me on my Facebook and Instagram as I now embrace this opportunity to explore life through new lenses and through being Authentically me without Fear or Apology..
Life is not really a journey because their is no end to what we can learn and experience. It's more like an experiment in what we have learned and what we allow ourselves to accomplish along the way.
I am excited to start experimenting with the more Authentic Me!!!!
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