I was just sitting here thinking about all the "what if's" and "what could be's" and I started to find myself making excuses to why things haven't always went my way. It was like the day I wrote my children book {that still waits to be published} "Even Goats Can Wear Coats" I was thinking about the excuses we and others give for why things either stay the same or always fall short of manifesting. It seems the majority of us and myself included set out with high hopes of moving our lives in a new or more rewarding direction. That goes for people born with everything and those born of merger means. We all have an inner drive to have and be more then what we are. Some it is in a form of greed, other a sense of accomplishment. My question for myself today is "Why do some reach that goal and for others we are always falling short of the mark or worse completely miss it?"
It can not be desire or want. I know for myself both of those are there and working quite well I might say but just what is it? Only a few select are born into it? We once might of been able to say that but now with the consumerism at an all time high and the internet, we really cant use that one. Its luck? No, because luck only works really for parking spaces and lotto numbers, we all know that. I use to play with this theory, some are just better at those things. That worked until I started to see in my own life I was capable of more then I ever gave myself credit for, to a degree I still do. I even looked at my illness as an excuse to my holding pattern in life. That was short lived when I thought of Stephen Hawkins... He and others basic wiped out the excuse of sick or disabled. What have I been left with "Belief".
Seems to simple but yet so true. What is the difference, they believed in themselves.
That leads me to my next question, where does self belief start or even nurtured? Is it something we are born with or something we develop? Boy, that opened a can of worms in my mind. Here is my thoughts; I think I was born with the ability and understanding that I could be anything I wanted. This was at the time the 70,80,90.. and we were brought up feeling like we lived in the land of milk and honey and you could be, do or have anything your hearts desired. With hard work, some dedication and honest in just a handshake... it all could be yours. The schools pushed that, our parents practically pushed it on us how lucky we were to live in such a great Nation with all the opportunities at our feet. Plus when you are young the world is your oyster. So much to see and experience and it all "New". How did I go from believing I could be anything I wanted and live anyway I pleased {as long as I harmed none of course} to giving up on myself before I sometimes even get started. Hmmm.... what a land mine that is to wonder. Was it someone? That teacher in the 2nd grade that treated me and two other students different because of the color of our skin. {yes sorry to say discrimination and hate comes in many colors}. Was it the Man who stole my innocence and took my trust away? Was it the first time someone laid a hand on me in Anger? Was it the countless times I was emotionally and physical abandoned? Maybe that stole pieces of the dream but it never took away the knowing I could do and be more. Was it an virus that I got when I was 6 that started the Auto Immune disorder that has haunted me for over 16 years now? One that many times over the years caused me to be distracted from building a life since I was to busy trying to survive the one I had. Or could it be just all the years I have spent fighting demons and trying to fly with the Angels that somewhere along the line I stopped believing I was worth all the dreams I was dreaming. I really am not sure if I will ever know but one thing is clear the dream has not died but today the excuses have. Today's thoughts have left me with a deeper understanding of an important piece to my personal puzzle. It is all in the belief! Like the story of "The Little Engine That Could" {now replaced by Thomas The Train} When you learn to start believing in yourself at the deepest part of your self there is nothing you can not accomplish with a little hard work, dedication and honesty. Maybe the American Dream has not died but is hiding in the hearts of American like me who gave up before they even got started. Maybe my dream never died it just got put on the shelve until I was able to learn to start believing in myself again.. Funny how belief plays such a big roll in our lives but yet to look around to trust and have belief in things seen and unseen is looked upon at times as foolish and childish.. Yet with out belief we would of never made it to the Moon, the technology we have would not exist and the life we lead right now would of still been someones unfulfilled dream. What is the saying "Remove the Excuses and You will Find your Life waiting for You on the other side.".. Well I got to start somewhere and that will be with build back my belief.. How will I do that? Who knows! Today's lesson was to see it for what it is tomorrows will be doing something about it!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment