Putting On My New Years Resolution Training Wheels .....

So of course on the last day of the year I would wake up with some kind of head cold that has closed off my right ear and the right side of my face feels numb!!! Nothing like the universe challenging your New Years Resolution before I have even got started.

To be truthful Resolution have never worked for me in the past even when I was well enough to complete them. What is it about goal setting that seems to sabotage you before you even get started and whose idea was it to try and start some kind of diet right after you have been given candy for christmas or indulged in to many Christmas cookies and cakes. Seems like a form of guilty torture to me. There is nothing like being reminded at the end of the year you barley did anything you wanted and everything you still do gets you no where!!

Here is what I have tried in the past;

1. Writing them down (only to forget where I wrote them)

2. Tried getting a friend to join me in my goals ( bad enough you cant do them but getting your friends to because YOU want them to is like pulling teeth) 

3. Not writing them down ( in which you still do nothing because you never really committed to it) 

4. Did them for about a week until life got in the way ( realized life is always going to happen so what can you do about it.)

So in true Justine fashion, I will create my own way of having a New years Resolution, more like looking at this time as a Fresh Start.

Since I have been dabbling in the areas of Yoga and Food of course those would be key areas to invest in for 2015 but so are:

More Sleep

More Books

More Sunsets and Sunrises

More Creating

More Walks in Nature

More Laughter

More Hugs

More Love and of course More Peace and Harmony 

Maybe what I need are training wheels.  Training wheels are more about helping you get started then teaching you to ride and so are these silly things we call New Years Resolution. 

I am sure it can be simpler then we have made it and as far as I can tell there are no rules either.

Just Maybe I can make a Commitment to Take Better Care Of Myself in 2015 and make a Resolution by stepping up what I am already doing. Committing to doing rather then accomplishing! 

Making a Resolution to Living up to these Three simple goals or training wheels for 2015:

Making Simple Goals is so much better then Committing to unrealistic ideas for the sake of saying you did!!! Please do not misunderstand I do have dreams for 2015 and I do have goals but I know it is the small everyday steps that will get me there. Not a calendar on the wall or a ball dropping some where in Time Square. 

So like everyone else I will use those training wheels and:

1. Use the Vitamix More

2.  Purchase those Yoga DVD's from Seane Corn I have been wanting for a while now 

3 Commit to two class at the Y

4. Journal More

5 Rededicated myself to Blogging twice a week at the least. 

6. Take time for myself and my family

7. Expand my circle of friends... 

and know that what ever I do in 2015 has to be better then 2014 because I am surly not the same girl now I was then!!!!!

I am going to look  at 2015 like a chance at a Fresh Start. A New Approach to those goals and dreams I have been working on but haven't really dedicated myself to. This way when next year comes I wont be looking back at what I didn't do but looking back at what I did!!!!!!

I guess when you take away the fear of falling it gives you the courage to ride the winds of change and before you know it the wheels come off and you are ready to FLY!!!

Happy New Year Everyone!!!!!!

Making Amends To My Mat

So its time to get back on the Mat and Back to work!!

Winter is calling and summer is behind me finally. Now it's time to get back on track.

If I have learned anything from this summer it would be stay the course no matter what. 

Since August I have been busy with family issues and getting back to doing what I love which is helping  others through sharing what I know and teach about subjects I love.. 

It has not been easy and boy the last few months have had there moments both good and bad but the fork in the road has come and I am ready to choose. 

I hear my Mat Calling and I am ready to come fully back home. I am ready to make amends and say "Your right, my life is not the same without you in it"

Summer of Endings and New Beginnings....

My summer has been a powerful one in many ways. I was out of my element and more then once my patience and tolerance of heat and people were put to the test. When asking my son what did you think about your summer, I thought I might get some discouraging feed back but to my surprise he said it was the best summer ever!! What? How?  He went on to explain how he enjoyed seeing me get angry and how we laughed through most things that would get other people upset or they would of just quit. Not us we laughed and  said tomorrow would be better.  When he put it like that I fully understand. It was the best summer because we were both put to the test in our own ways. Yes, summer is spouse to be fun but it is also about Family! This  summer was about Family more then just in the literal sense. We not only were  moving my mother to live closer to us ( Since its clear she is going to out live us all, she practically asked if she could have back the portion of her life insurance payment she has set aside for me since she said I will probable die before her.. LOL) and get her out of that spiritually and financial bankrupt town but we were extending our family in many ways as well.  I had heard earlier in the year that this would be a time of Family for me, I am now coming to understand what that meant. It also said I could be coming into a more authentic time where I will not even be able to hide the truth from myself, that too is becoming more clear. This summer, homes were opened and hearts were changed just by the simple act of following ones inner guidance. It truly has been the summer of endings and  new beginnings of letting go and stepping up, This summer asked for Faith beyond belief and sometimes gave me Disappointment and Despair that I thought might rip open my heart. We got to see really what we are made of not when times are good but when things are unknown and you only have each other to count on. That is a powerful gift to give yourself let alone those you call Family.
 Over all If your summer was anything like mine,
 It will be a summer to remember!!!!!!

Embracing Change and Letting Go Of Fear.......

It has been a while since I have sat down and looked at my life and what a journey I have been on these last few months.

Recommitting myself to a healthy eating plan and yoga, while taking myself out of my home environment

Committing to a new store and possible seeing clients again

Taking on the task of moving my mother 3000 miles across the US with limited time and funds to do it

Standing up in a court battle which if the truth be told is only a cover up for lies and deception and a power struggle to keep ones pride while not looking at the casualty of innocence it has taken on our son.

while all along battling to keep my health, my sanity and now menopause at bay, overall I would say I am doing quite well.

The truth be told very well.

What can I rest my success on? The promise of a new day, a new life and the comfort of knowing everything is temporary and changeable.

Sometimes it is hard in the mist of emotional fear or discomfort to see no end, to allow ourselves to get caught up in the feeling of surrender and defeat.

It is what up until now has made us human but also vulnerable to being victims. Sometimes of others and sometimes of our own making.

Yet I find strength in my ability to change and adapt to any situation in which I find myself. This hasn't always been true for me but now it seems like a natural response. Maybe lets call it evolution, my own personal one. One in which change is the springboard of new possibilities and new lives hidden sometimes in the mist of chaos.

Believe me there has been chaos these past few months and there certainly has been change and not all of it pleasant but as I rise above or even look back I can see a perfect pattern challenging my own wants and desires, my claims of virtue and unconditional love and as always my "Faith". I can also see an unfolding of the same in those around me. Some have failed where other and myself has grabbed the brass ring and decided to toss it again and again until we reach that goal of gaining and finding balance in a world that day after day is slipping more into a paradigm of uncertainty and unrest and noticeably unbalance.

I once was told I enjoyed surfing the waves of change and I find that truer and truer each day, change no matter in what garb it wears wanted or even unexpected leads us into unknown possibility and gives us a great look into what we are capable of doing and allows us to escape the victim role in which most of us live our day to day lives.

You can either learn the lesson it brings or be stuck, maybe even trapped in the world in which change is seen as enemy not our savior.

These past months at times it was both but with out it I would not seen my strength, not witnessed my own personal growth and not seen the lack in others needed to move forward in my life.

My journey is far from over and I am truly just at the mid-point but yet some how I can see the finish line from here and I can see the invisible world cheering my vitality and the visible waiting my outcome. As for me I again will move one day at a time, one moment at a time if needed, I will express my feelings, let go of emotions and move forward knowing deep in my heart with out change I would of surely died long ago. So I will live life as if a gift and see change as my savior and lead by example that it is true I am only Human but that does not mean I am unworthy of the task before me, a sinner if I stubble and fall and not a failure it I don't do it as others would, it means simply;

I see as my ancestors did we came from nothing and built all you see around us with only our minds and two things in which we call hands and that alone is a miracle worth celebrating and would be a dishonor to do anything less....

May the change in your life honor the change in mine and together may we build a new paradigm where change is welcomed not feared and where our dreams and desires do not trample on the dreams and desires of others but empower each other to be the best we can be in all ways and surf the waves of change as if you were born to ride......

We all might walk the same road but its a different path we all seek....

I hope everyone had a beautiful Mother's day weekend, I know I did. We went for a wonderful walk along the wooded coastal shores of New Hampshire. I love walking in the woods, I find such a peace there and it seems that the magic of the trees and their majesty call to my heart and soul. Yesterday as we walked the wooded path coming to forks in the road and following some that looped us around sometimes back to the same spot others in a new direction, I thought of how similar to life today's walk was. These were no ordinary paths, these once were the paths of soldiers and guards that once watched over theses shores for enemies or maybe even approaching storms. Now grass and graffiti replace the once I am sure maintained land. What stories those trees could tell if we only knew how to listen. In life I have tried to follow many paths, some that have been laid before me. Filled with stories of adventures and woes. I have also made my own paths alone and in fear of the unknown. Along the way others and myself leaving bread crumbs for those that wish to follow. Those that seek a new path or one of their ancestors. Yet yesterday I realized that no matter how many people walked these paths now or in the past each one had its own individual experience and reason they made the choices they did. No two paths are ever the same even if the paths are made of the very same stones. That after me and before me these paths would be walked and no two experiences would be the same but yet we all at least yesterday were seeking the same thing, family, nature, woods, ocean, and maybe even a bit of peace. It made me think of a saying by the Zen poet Matsuo Basho "Seek not to follow in the footsteps of the elders, rather seek what they sought" That it is not someone else path we should be seeking but to create our own. That the qualities and virtues they stood for can not be attained by merely following someone else path they have laid before us but in discovering those things in our self by seeking our own answers, making our own choices and following our own path. That even though the landscape might be the same we must see it with new eyes, our eyes. That way we can never be disappointed that we didn't experience what another did on that path. You see that was their path and you must walk yours. Like us yesterday, some on the path came across snakes and bees that scared them, others rushed by missing the turtle hiding in the brush and other found it hot at times, me I found beauty in the trees and the rocks on the path called out to me but most of all I was grateful to see once again there is more to life when I use my new eyes to see....  

What a little Mat time and Tempeh can do......

  As most of you know my journey through life is often met with health challenges and side track journeys through the mud of my life. Moving ahead but at a slow and often dredging pace. Like the Lotus flower I keep rising towards the sun and some sense of moving out of the muck and into happiness and balance. If you have followed my Blog or my Facebook page you know I have had many starts and stops along this path. Each one getting me closer to the light but always seemly out of reach. 

  Until my recent visit to the hospital I must admit my intentions were always good and pure but I seemed to slip easily back into old patterns allowing people , places and things to distract me from what I set out to do. I am coming to realize that I had not surrendered. That might sound a bit strange coming from me, even I feel a bit strange saying it. I have surrendered to a lot of things in my life but yet it was more in a New Age kind of way. Let me try to explain. Growing up Christian surrender meant admitting you were a sinner and facing the fact that you would always fall short of God's grace, which confused me. That to me meant no matter what I did I would always displease God and not be good enough even though I was told I was his child.  New Age philosophy taught me that to surrender meant to not hold attachments to things, people, emotion, ect. So here I had been raised to think what ever I did would not please God and it was obvious that humans felt the same way because they were always judging each others worthiness and it made it harder when I stepped into the New Age culture because they were always trying to remove themselves from their reality and emotions. I must admit at time both theories and lifestyles had their challenges. My reality is I am sure I am recovering from both even now.  That leads me to my new look at surrender. 

  I am faced with the deeper questions of what makes me unworthy by just being born? because I was a mistake in Gods eyes? Because Eve sinned in some Garden years ago? I thought God was about Forgiveness not condemnation. Why must I become so detached from my feelings and my world around me that I have to escape into fantasy worlds that have no more proof of existence then God itself does. Weather that includes my own mind or mans technology? Why must I to find happiness deny my own existence and be a shamed to find my worthiness in things outside or inside myself. The truth for me is I do not. I do not have to find my worthiness in myself or others including the God of my own understanding. I just am. Strangely enough those were the words of Christ. "I am that I am" . When  Moses asked for his name he said those very words. Christ had surrendered to who he was, accepted his path as a man and as God. Both the creator and the creation. His splendor in knowing this gave rise to not needing a name to define him or even a title. You see the word Christ means "the anointed one" some called him the messiah which means "liberator of a group of people". You see those titles were given to him by his culture the same as once the word 'Mahatma" meaning "great soul" was given to Gandhi. Both were living men who came with a beautiful  message of oneness and peace and were crucified or assassinated by the very people they were trying to set free. Free from mental, emotional and even physical bondage. As the human mind tried to wrap its mind around it we created more separation and judgment instead of awaking to their message of surrender to self.  Not of denial or shame but of endless potential and inner expansion. 

  All this time I had been unknowingly fighting my own birth right to just be me. How ever that is expressed without fear of judgment and finding my worthiness not by my accomplishment or lack of them but in my potential to be all of me in honor of me, God's creation. What does this have to do with surrender you might ask. Well each day when I lay out that yoga mat, weather it be for 5 minutes or 45 I surrender to I am only me and my poses will not be perfect today, my strength and endurance might not be there and that is ok. Because I am not looking for perfection, worthiness or acceptance I am just looking to be a better me. When I expand my mind and cooking skills by taking on a new form of food I am not looking to impress, to be part of some food movement or save the planet by refusing to eat something I am just listening to my body and soul and following its guidance. I am surrendering to the fact that I am me. With all my short comings and talents, all of my past and my undetermined future and that too is ok. You see my Mat has given me something that no Religious or New Age dogma or culture has given me. It has given me time with me to discover a deeper understanding of myself and the world around me but most of all it has given me a peace of knowing that perfection is not sought there, only devotion to self and God's creation by honoring the temple in which my spirit and the spirit of God dwells inside me. 

  It seems insightful that devoting time to my mat everyday and expanding my world by adding Tempeh this week would have such a big impact on a subject that I had been seeking answers to for over 17 years but it has. It was in the final surrender and the willingness to move from mine and others comfort zone that did it. I feel like a weight has been lifted for my soul. Who knew a Orange Glazed Tempeh over some homemade Vegan Fried Rice and a Purple Mat I lay down on the Kitchen floor every morning could be the thing I needed to push my Lotus Flower through the murky water into a new day and into the sun light but they have.

  Just in case it was the Tempeh Meal I will give you the recipe below. Who knows stepping out of your comfort zone might just awaken your lotus flower and before you know it you too will be reaching new heights not for anyone else but just so you can experience you being you..

 Be True, Be You....   

Orange Glazed Tempeh and Vegan Fried Rice

I must admit I fool around with recipes and do a little research on the best way to cook things before starting so I will give you the list of ingredients and then tell you how I prepared it but remember to find what works for you. it is not perfection that counts here. Just the willingness to try something new and to be experimental when it comes to cooking. I believe if you do that no recipe can go wrong and next time you can tweak it if you need to. Well Enjoy, I sure did!!!

Vegan Fried Rice

1 c. or package Brown Rice or Quinoa { I did a mixture of both; yummy }

 {all vegetables diced or cut to your desire}
1 c. Red bell peppers

1 c. Green onions 

1 c. Carrots

1 c. Golden or Red Beets 

1/2 c. Purple Cabbage

1/2 c. Peas

1 c. Water Chestnut 

1/2 c Yam

1 tsp Jalapeno

1 tsp garlic and ginger

After gathering your Vegetables use a saute pan and you can use Olive oil or Coconut Oil as your base. Then add Veggies

Mix in  1/4 c Soy Sauce { I use Tamari Gluten Free Soy Sauce}

1/4 c. Lemon Juice

If you are using Brown Rice since it can take up to 40 minutes, while it is cooking that is a good time to prep your vegetables and your Tempeh
other wise you can prep then cook a quick rice mixer

Tempeh Original is what I used in this recipe but you can try another if your familiar with it.

I like to prepare my vegetables before starting any dish I have never cooked before it is a bit more time consuming the first time but I feel this way I am not stressing about having to many things going at once. So as I was chopping the vegetables I was also preparing my Tempeh to be cooked. 

 The Tempeh for this dish should be cut in Triangles ( you can find how to's on You Tube) its very simple.

I learned while researching Tempeh that some people steam it before cooking. In this recipe you don't have to but they say it removes some of the nutty flavor from it. Since it was my first time and I did not have time to marinate the Tempeh before I thought this would be good to help it hold the flavor.

Yes you can cut and marinate the Tempeh one hour or longer before cooking to also cut down on prep time for this dish. { see it removes all excuses... }

If you decide to steam it just place it in the steamer or a steam basket for about 10 minutes. it should turn a lighter color when its done.

While I was sauteing my veggies and steaming my Tempeh I was also cooking my rice since both will take only a short amount of time. 

while the Veggies were sauteing on a low heat I then made the Orange Glaze Marinade.

Orange Marinade

1 c. Orange Juice or if your adventurous Fresh Squeezed. 

1 Tsp Ginger

2 cloves of Garlic ( crushed would be best but follow your soul)

2 Tsp Soy Sauce

1 1/2  AJI-MIRIN (sweet cooking rice seasoning; found in the Asian section of the grocery store)

2 Tsp Maple Syrup

1/2 Tsp Coriander

add a little Black pepper

For Garnish and a special touch at the end

1/2 lime 

a stem of Clilantro

place all ingredients in a bowl in which you will pour over the Tempeh during cooking it. 

Once your Tempeh is steamed and your Veggies sauteed set the them aside by this time your rice should be almost there but just with enough time to cook the Tempeh. 

Take a large Saute pan one large enough to hold the Tempeh and the Marinade and then add some either Coconut Oil or Olive Oil to the bottom of your pan then add your Tempeh brown on each side for about 5 minutes each side or if your like me keep turned to get all sides a golden brown. and then add the Marinade and simmer for about 10-12 minutes. When its done it should have a glaze and it should of taken in most if not all of the marinade. While your Tempeh is simmering your rice should be in the final stages of being done.

Once the rice is done add your sauteed veggies and your Tempeh should be smelling wonderful and looking glazed. Remember the steaming already started the Tempeh cooking with the marinade your just cooking in those delicious flavors. 

So by this time both should be done and its time for the final touches. place the rice at the bottom of your dish followed by your orange glazed Tempeh. 

Top with a squeeze of lime if you have one or lemon will do 

add a  piece of Cilantro 

and then ENJOY!!!!!

I hope this dish and your daily devotion to you no matter what that is brings you the joy and peace it is to me and have a great Mothers Day weekend...... 

Swimming In A Sea Of Happiness.....

 This morning I am swimming in a sea of happiness. Last night I was gifted a new computer and I am still in awe of the kindness and love that went into it. What a blessing to know that I can go back to what I am passionate about, sharing my thoughts and my life through writing. It is who I am, I have countless journals to prove it. 
 As I opened up Love Poems From God I was taken back by how my life seems to be just that. A poem from God. Just like the book all I have to do is open it and the words seem to speak to me in the way my heart needed to hear in that moment. My life has been that the few past weeks as I decided to put the turmoil aside and listen to my soul and allow it to guide my actions and reaction. What a beautiful awaking that has been happening.
 Things that once bothered me like a disease I didn't want to catch like others negativity and chaos have been more like watching a river flow then getting caught up in the current. I am not sure what I can say changed it. My new devotion to yoga, the 17 years I have been working on my mind or that my spirit has finally stopped looking for God and just accepted that all I had to do was surrender and go within for my answers. Why question or even search that has been what the last 17 years has been a journey of the mind to only realize that all I ever needed to do was stop seeking and start living. Not living from the mind, Not obsessing on my body or even searching for my humanity through my spirit. Just remembering if I want to honor God and be the living poem of his creation all that is needed is to start honoring myself and everything else will fall into place effortlessly. Some might say this insight comes with age but I know plenty of people my senior that are still struggling to find themselves or even find happiness from within. It comes from living and letting life be your teacher and your soul be your guide. 
This morning once again this book spoke to me, not in the words I read but in the meaning of the spirit in which it was wrote, to see God in everything and let everything be a poem to honor the creator and the creation.... 

What a beautiful way to start my day

I love the first day of the Farmers Market. The sense of adventure in seeing what Mother Earth has been birthing at the hands of the great people at my local market. It like a reunion as we greet each other after our winter break. A opportunity to get reacquainted and also make new friends. This year I was happy like always to see two toads farm there along with all the other smiles that greeted me. Lots of seedlings to offer and some new items made the early run downtown worth it. My most exciting find was sun dried tomatoes. I got some goat cheese that would be delicious mixed in.. Yummy! On the other hand a new vender this year offered homemade deodorant. My friend Georgana just started making some for herself which intrigued  me. I'm not so crafty as that so I bought some. Lavender and Tea Tree oil. I'm very excited to try it out. Boy does that sound funny, excited about deodorant.  What makes me excited is helping local merchants and farmers while taking care of myself and my son. So if you have never been to a Famers Market or your waiting for yours to reopen get out today and go to one. It could just change your life. It did mine! I owe my health to those farmers and them fighting for EBT funds so people like me can eat heathy on a fixed or low income. Everyone deserves great health regardless of who they are and what they can afford. God bless the farmers and those who put their talents to use to make a better world for me and you...
Now to enjoy what I got, I see a wonderful salad in my future...

Getting Inspired

I love going to the library and seeing what books want to come home with me. I see a theme coming together...

They say I am a dreamer....

It might be raining outside but in my heart the sun is shining. 
I woke up with a Pebble and Bam Bam song playing in my head " let the sunshine in". Thank God for You Tube I was able to look it up and what a smile I had listening to that this morning. I ended up posting it on my Facebook, I am sure some people got a giggle about it. I know I did. 
While watching it I was thinking about the difference between the way TV influenced me and how it influences the children today. I grew up with music and laughter and they now are growing up with violence and music that express sex and in some cases more violence. When I thinking about all the variety shows that made us laugh and the sitcoms that brought a life message without skin and the 7 deadly sins as a everyday occurrence.  No wonder at times we all want to put our heads in the sand and let the kids sort it out for themselves some where down the rode.   I am so grateful I have brought my childhood into my son's life.  He has been raised on Classic TV and it is a blessing to see his mind expand by bridging not only laughter and joy but sadness and unnecessary violence. Even this morning we had a talk about age appropriate games and movies. It seems I have taught him well when he says to me " Your right mom all you have to do is look around at the world to see what we have been doing is not working". I use that line a lot. If how we have been raising the last few generations was so good then why are we in the mess were in now? 
What a difference it could make if TV went back to making us laughter, not at others pain and misery but just for the sake of laughing. What if we brought back variety shows where comedians and actors let loose and taught us it was okay to laugh at ourselves and not take life so serious.   To bring back the Gong Show, where talent wasn't based on looks and ratings but real talent or the lack of it. Would it really be so bad to not have reality shows that are scripted to either distort or exploit life and other behaviors or even stop watching death television, isn't  real death and murder enough for us? We have to watch it 24 hours a day?  What if ? What if the whole world for a week unplugged and plugged back into life, if the kids put on musicals and comedy skits and the grown up put down their phones and showed them we cared.  If we each took time to get to know our neighbors and reconnect to our families, What a difference a week could make. What if TV became a tool again for upliftment  instead of destruction.   You can say I am a dreamer and maybe that is true but I can say TV once taught me to dream and I am glad I am able to give that gift to my son too....  

Tick Tock.....

Tick Tock goes the clock on this roller coaster I call my life. The past few months have been a balancing act of maintaining all I have gained while battling an emotional and physical custody battle that even as of today is still in motion. 
I must admit that I have not done a very good job at times but I will say I have grown tremendously. In the emotions of fear of losing what I love the most, I have found the peace to find a deeper strength I never knew I had. I faced death with courage and faith, I have endured poverty like I have never known yet today I have found a peace I never expected to find.  
I had been lost in emotions for so long and I let my fears of the unknown keep me from living in the now and experiencing what is real. 
What is real? 
I am stiff because I have let my yoga practice take a back seat. 
My body has suffered the ills of neglect so I have had to go back to western medicine. 
My mind was lost in emotions so long I almost lost touch with the magic of my life. 
I am now crawling out of the dark into the light and I have never felt more devoted to myself, my son and our future... 
Today I recommitted myself to the things that bring me joy;
spending quality time with my son
my yoga mat
painting 
conscious eating and 
creative expression.... 
Funny thing, the moment I decided to live in devotion instead of fear the sun came out, my heart opened like never before and a peace the passeth all understanding entered my heart... 
As the Sun is setting, rose incense is burning in the living room, I just made some homemade ketchup to go with my meatless Mondays dinner and soon we will be settling down to watch a movie. 
I would say life doesn't get better then this but there is always tomorrow...  

Reflection on the events of the last week....

I know it was been a bit since I have been able to sit down and gather my thoughts on everything that it happening.. It is amazing how it seems that when ever life hands me a golden apple there is always someone trying to poison it...
Lets see.. where do I start; The publisher loved the book!!!!! I am so excited. I am hoping to hear from her this week and see what the next step is.. While on one hand I am celebrating on the other I am now facing the toughest challenge so far. Austin's father is taking me to court over custody issues and claiming I am emotionally and physically unstable. Funny how the mirror works both way on this issue. While these two things are happening I am living my 21 day challenge and working on another book project as well. The tests never seem to amaze me...
I can see the road ahead and to me it is another of life's questions. Will you stand up for who you are and what you believe in? Have you learned. The answer to both this time is yes!!!
I can see that somehow the universe in all it glory is opening a door to freedom not trying to imprison me with fear and doubt. This past summer Austin saw his Father for who he is and I saw my illness for what it was not and now it is all coming together like a beautiful sunset of colors.
It is a beautiful journey that has lead me to this week, where on the 13th I will be One year in remission! What a blessing...
I could not imagine If I would of been facing a challenge like this sick..  I would of never made it through. So I know there is some divine timing in everything and how it is unfolding. I also think it is wonderful synchronicity that today I was sent the little princess in honor of Shirley Temples passing. That movie taught me so much and I can see today that belief and courage coming through in everything I do.
As much at times I want to cry and in the next moment jump for joy I am learning to just be grateful for every moment because each one is a reminder of just how far I have come and how much more I have to go... life is not a destination it is an experience and I can never say I haven't lived each experience to it fullest and for that I am truly blessed.

Time to get my book off the shelve!

So today is an exciting day! I will be sending my children's book, "Even Goats Can Wear Coats" to a new publisher! I was set too have it published right before I got sick this last time and the project was put back on the shelf. Well I'm taken it off the shelve and dusting it off and setting it free!
My heart is soaring... I will keep you posted!

It's only been 3 days? Wow what a difference a day and a smoothie can make!!

Wow what a past few days it has been. I guess that woodpecker I saw the other day wasn’t kidding, change is here! With all the small daily changes I have been making it seems like I can feel the progress. I woke up this morning feeling lighter. I know that might seem like a strange thing to say but its how I feel. My body feels slimmer and my movement more glided then setting down each foot step. My mind even feels sharper as I started my day with inspiration from within. It is like every moment I am living through change. Each moment an opportunity to expand my mind, body and soul.

I must say it has been a long time since I have felt this good.

It was the year 2007 and I had learned I had Chronic EBV. At the time not much was known about it. When the doctored called to give me the results he said “ I have good news and bad news, you were right you have chronic mono, which is EBV. The bad news is it is rare and not enough people have it so there is not enough research for me to do anything for you at this time. “ Yes talk about a slap of reality. So I did what I had done since I was 30 and got the shingles repeatedly every month, I researched. I became my own doctor. I learned that my immune system was not working at its full potential and that something was definitively wrong with my B-cells. I had to build up my immunity. I went back to the doctors where armed with my new research we set into motion a set of Allergy tests along with a Gluten and Celiac test. I also started B12 shots. I also made a decision to get my carbs addiction under control. To my surprise I came back allergic to things I had ate my whole life and even that very day. I was shocked at the results! Animal, Environmental and Food allergies were off the chart. I should have been living in a plastic bubble. Had I been allergic all my life or was my immune system that shot that I was poisoning my body everyday and not even knowing it. All I knew was that I had to change everything I could and I did. From things around the house to the food I was putting in my mouth changed over night and over the next few months. It was very hard on everyone, emotionally and financially. I was left depressed and feeling like I would only be able to eat raw lettuce with lemon juice for the rest of my life and have to live in a plastic bubble suit. I had been through so much and now the comfort of food was being taken away. Meals became a time of shame and depression. If we went to friends or family house I had to explain why I had to bring my own food and what was wrong with me. I tried to make the best of it but it was hard when one; I didn’t know what was really wrong and two; It felt bad enough them feeling sorry they had to eat in front of me and other with the to bad for you but yum this is sooo good attitude. One day it just got to be to much! Guess you can say I had enough!

I turned to You Tube!! I knew there had to be something out there. I was a sick stay at home mom who had a 5 year old at home and I needed some help. I found it one morning with a video posted from Ani Phyo. I had been researching for a while when I came across raw food.. it was a perfect fit! Then watching her make a fresh raw apple pie, I knew I found a piece of heaven in my food hell. I got out my allergy list and went to work. I started studying raw food and turning my kitchen into a pharmacy! I loved it. It was slow at first and the idea of some of the recipes were so foreign that at times it intimated me but I was committed. I decide to go to the library and see if they had her cookbook “ani's raw food kitchen” They did!! That book became my bible. I used the library's one so much. I finally just went and bought one! I started to live out of it everyday, picking one new thing to try and adding others to my daily eating. I was feeling the change but more important I was taking control. Taking control over my illness and my nutrition. I slowly start to convert my ex-husband who if he wanted dinner had to to have a raw meal. With that attitude I had to make sure his taste buds were satisfied every time. I loved that challenge and it gave me a opportunity to be creative in my kitchen. I had a strategy which was two -fold. Since it was hard enough to cook two meals a night and at times three with Austin meals as well, if I could get him to eat at least one meal and then convert him to a health way of eating as well it would make my life so much easier. He did and I was on a roll. I was making cheeses from nuts. My own mayo, ketchup and sauces. I was in heaven, I could eat again and I had the pleasure of sharing it with my friend. I would wake up feeling so good life was getting better and it did! So good that I was hiking and out so much I decided to try playing sports. I got on a co-ed softball my ex -husband work had put together, I was so excited to finally be doing so well I could hike in the morning and have a practice game on the same night. I was flying on a cloud. Unfortunately that was shorted lived. At our first practice game I tore my calf muscle and was on crutches so my ex-husband was bringing home taco bell. I had lived the raw life for over three months and in that short time I had seen such a turn around but there I was laid up now for three months and watching everything I worked so hard to achieve go down the drain. When I recovered it wasn’t the same. I kept some of the dish and ideas but the enthusiasm was gone. I knew unless my whole house hold eat like me I would have this battle all my life. So I comprised. I cut out the big allergens and decided I would just live with the small ones. What a fatal mistake that turned out to be. Over time I would pay the ultimate cost of my denial and depression. More viruses and an added complication. In the following years I had two encephalitis attacks and the EBV grew into a body of cancer cells. My experience was not a total loss. I see my life as a lesson in acceptance, faith and hope to say the least up until this point but now I am starting to feel the call of the lessons of Bliss, Joy and Love...

Which leads me back to today. I have been at this moment in my life before but I had forgotten how good it feels to be fully alive. To be reaching for my full potential and feeling the changes in all areas of my life. How funny that must seem how just adding one smoothie, made at home, with love can start a change that feels like it could heal the world..

This is how I think I was meant to live, hell how all of us are meant to live. Find your passion, love your life, expand your mind and feed your body the gifts of Earth our Mother. There was no better feeling to wake up this morning knowing that yesterday I expanded 6 peoples minds and many more on the internet by just expanding mine. Trying something new and feeding our body not just food but nutrients that heal not destroy.

I have learned a lot on my journey of food and health and I still fall victim to my own denial and the ignorance of other. Like Dr. Norman Walker said “We can not live other people's life for them, nor can anyone else live ours for us”. So it is time to take another leap forward in my health and well being. Time maybe to see what my body at it's optimal heath can do! Lord knows we have been through a lot together and it hasn’t let me down yet. Maybe at 50 I will be doing that Yoga Girl hand stand and maybe next even a one handed one. Who would of thought the road back to self would be lead by a smoothie. We all have to start somewhere.

I missed feeling this good and I missed that feeling of control I had so easily again gave away.

Never again will I let bliss slip out of my hands because of anything less then to reach towards Nirvana... <3

Life is more then good....

I woke up in such a wonderful mood today..

Yesterday was just a beautiful day and even though at times the chill was a bit much to bear, I could not of asked for any thing more. Even with the fact that when I got to the Doctors office they had over booked and didn’t even have a room to see me in, it all worked out. Like a trooper I was squeezed in. If they would have had to cancel I wouldn't of minded a bit. Going to the Doctors always gives me a chance to go to Tader Joes! This time I found some sweet Medjool dates, Yummy! 

{see my morning breakfast recipe of a banana and date smoothie on instagram}

Since the doctors office is just a jump skip and a hop, I would of been happy either way!! 

Since I was able to do both I was in Heaven.

The doctors appointment was fast and the test should be in a few days and even though my BP was still a bit high.. {I wont say here what it was just so I don’t get email spanked about it..lol} But I told him my plan and that I made a appointment on the 28^th to show him my progress. He is always the loving skeptic and that is what makes the challenge even finer. To share with him the power of the body not just the devastation of the disease really sets my soul on fire. <3

Well I have been doing great my energy is mixed and I feel like Saturday I might start my Vlog too, just not sure yet. I have been very vigilant about what goes in my mouth but yesterday not planning did leave me a bit hungry at the doctors. During the blood being drawn because it was so much my blood sugar took a dip so the nurse was kind enough to give me some juice. After talking a bit I thought she was going to give me all the fruit from her lunch.. It's nice to see the younger generation getting on board better health..  it warmed my heart and rose my blood sugar .

So yesterdays lesson's:

I love Trader Joes!! God bless you...

Always pack your smoothie in a cooler and a hand grabbing bag of snacks like nuts, dried fruit, cacao and anything else you love.

And last but not least “Life is more the good, it is fabulous”

I am a miracle and so are you....

So Today is the day I go see Dr. V .  I am always excited to see him and check in with what is happening with me,I am also a bit nervous. I always am when I am going to get blood work done. Strange how waiting on a blood test some times can be torture. I remember my first AIDS test back in the late 80 early 90 and those 3 days were like waiting on a death sentence from not only your life but from your social and family circles. Glad those test are faster now, not mine it takes 5 or more days since it is a special test and only a few labs in the country do it. 

So I must wait...

Mixed emotional always run through me on these days and as much as I always want to put that smile on and walk in without a care in the world I know that is not possible. With the last visit to the ER just a few weeks ago I am sure I will get a bit of a “Father knows best talk” .. but he will smile and say “My Angel” you should be dead so remember anything you do is a miracle.”

He has been more then a Doctor he has been my friend and I know how lucky I have been that I landed on his table. You see what we don’t talk about but we both know he got me because NO ONE else knew what to do with me and I got his curiosity going.. I was a challenge to everything he had been taught and experienced. The doctor that passed me to him was the one that said someday I would be in a medical journal, you know the story where I am dead to get in it. So needless to say I would be dead if he hadn't been  so curious, so open minded because Lord knows on the path I was taking I would of died and no one would of known or cared why and it seem Autoimmune disease are on the rise but little to no research is being done. So patients like me are Guinea pigs until more deaths occur or more people are infected. That is another reason why I have been sharing my story and my journey. I know I am not the only one facing these health issues and with the state of health care and obama care people like me are going to need alternatives. Who better to try out things but me.. 

I love to research and experiment so why not on myself, you know I am the best test subject. 

This is the part where my heart aches.. 

these are old teaching nothing new expect they are not the norm and so they are shadowed by fear and misunderstand. I am here to say if it wasn't for alternatives these words would not be on this screen. At one time I was taking 34 PILLS A DAY with 8 different medications just to keep me alive everyday and now I take one when needed and I use tinctures, Chaga mushrooms, tea and food as my medication. So I must say Dr. V is right I am a miracle in my own right and it is time I started living like it. Well off to juice and get this day started. Wish me luck and know that everyday you too are a miracle in your own way to me and the people in your life now GO LIVE LIKE IT!!!!

Winding down for the night..

As I wind down tonight I must say I am a bit tired. Not from lack of eating but from hours of posting! I am not sure how this younger generation does it with all the social sites. I am juggling three and a 11 year old son and I am not sure how I made it through today. I guess in time I will get a handle on this but for now I am glad the posting, pictures of food and editing are winding down for the night.

Well my first day went well. No problems to speak of but tomorrow might be another story. I have a doctors appointment so I will be up and out the door early. I have a feeling my early morning routine might be ruffled. So busy posting I didn’t do much planning.

Good thing I am more a morning person.

One day I will find balance but until then it's one step at a time...

Meatless Mondays

Tonight being Meatless Monday Austin and I decided to have Tacos.  This is a great transitional meal.  I found this Taco Filling a few weeks back and it has been a staple in our house ever since. I also tried their chilli and it is a must as well.
All you do is trade the filling for your meat, top as usual and wella! A great vegan meal or its your Meatless Monday I forgot what can I make fast meal! What ever the reason we love it! I use to make a side dish of rice but I found it was too much food and both Austin and I are not big rice eaters..  So the tacos suit us fine.
Well I hope everyone had a great Meatless Monday!!

Great Video From Daniel Vitalis On Chaga Mushrooms..

This is the Man who introduced me to Chaga Tea.

Without him and my dear friend Robin I would of never experienced it's healing benefits..  

Cocoa benefits. (Cacao) Properties and medicinal uses of Cocoa tree, lea...

Here is some information on Cocoa..

Let's Talk About My Morning Coffee...

It seems I have came across a winter dilemma. My cravings for coffee. Don't get me wrong I enjoy my nice cup of Justine's tea but on those cold winter mornings I sure crave a hot cup of coffee. After researching on the internet alternatives to coffee I came up with my own recipe. I am sure it will change a bit as I go but it is a great place to start..
Its simple and seems to fit into my eating plan and it taste delicious and is good for me, who knew!

Here is what you will need;
1/2 cup of Brewed Chaga Mushroom Tea
1 tea spoon of Cocao powder
1/2 cup of Hot Water

Add your one teaspoon of cocao powder to your cup, once the water is boiling at it to the podwer to dissolve it.
Then add your Chaga Tea
and I add Stevia for taste but you can use Honey or Agave also
This makes One Cup.

You can make this in larger amounts and keep it in the refrigerator, then heat on stove top or microwave if your still using one. That is what is great about it...  easy anyway you look at it!
I made a cup yesterday and this morning and both times it hit the spot.

If your not familiar with Chaga Tea or Cocoa I suggest you research them and I will post some information both here and Facebook to get you started.

Nice to know on a day like today I can warm my soul and take care of my body all in one nice cup of warmth.. <3

Drum roll please......

Good Morning... I am so excited to be sharing some well thought out news!!!!

As most of you know that for the past few years along with the normal insanity of life I have been dealing with a rare disease that is accompanied by viral complications, one in particular being that I have EBV DNA to put it in the most simplest terms; a rare form of cancer that is a result of acute and chronic mono and shingle breakouts. It is more complex but for right now this information serve my point. February 13 will mark my 1 year anniversary of the news I had finally went into remission from the DNA. YEA!!

Over the past year I have not had much time to not only accept the news or even accept the illness and its underlining cause and effect. Life kept moving and I did my best to catch up and at times I must say life got the best of me. Over all I have been able to slowly close some doors and let go of people, places and things that were still keeping me somewhat sick or at least in that mind set. During my illness I not only was caring for myself but also my 11 year old son. How I must say he has grown amazingly into a brilliant little man over the years, one I am very proud of. Both of us have worked hard over the years to maintain our life and we both made many sacrifices to gain some control of a illness that for years seemed to keep us just reaches away from the life we both desire for ourselves and the world around us.

I have been giving great thought over the past few months since my visit to California about my life and how I am living it. You could say I took a personal inventory. What I found at times has brought me to my knees and at others times brought tears of joy and release. It is with great pleasure that I have decide to commit fully the next 21 days to My Self, My Health and Well Being... I have decide to put myself to the challenge and I came up with what I am calling “Justine's Boot Camp”!!

Yes I have been studying and allowing my soul to guide me lately and those of you that have been following me know I have already made small changes but it is time to take it all the way. I have recruited Austin and he too is in!!! So we will be doing it as a family. My hope is to journal my experience over the next 21 days and then for the next year. To not only blog, vlog but instagram my transformation as I step into the next stage of my life.

My hope is to not only transform my life but to inspire other as well. I need to build a foundation in which all my dreams can come true and my HEALTH and WELL BEING seem to be a great areas to start with.

So first I think I should tell you briefly some of the medical challenges I face so you can see if what I am doing can help you in any area of your life as well.

Okay here is goes...

EBV {minus the dna.. }

Reoccurring Shingle breakout {can be monthly}

Reoccurring encephalitis {when EBV active can be every three days with medication}

High Blood Pressure

Food Allergies {top ones; Eggs, Chicken, Almonds, Shellfish.. to many more to name}

Gluten Sensitive {borderline}

Inflammation

Diverticulitis

B-Cell Dysfunction or abnormality

Viral Autoimmune Disease {unnamed but summited to NHGRI}

I also suffer from headache, hives and skin rashes from allergens known and unknown

wow, not sure I have ever wrote everything down like that before I just usually give up after one and refer to everything else as my petri dish of a body... { no one really cares anyways.. lol}

It does not help that I am AB- and that I seem to have got infected or sick early in my life maybe even after my first vaccination and went untreated.

I have had acute encephalitis 3 times and this last time again should of killed me. My body has been through the ringer and out the other side, not to mention the amazing things it has done to my brain. So my body too deserve to live life free of disease and pain along with me.

So I hope you will join me on this adventure and I look forward to watching the changes in my body and experiencing the expansion of my mind and most important the transformation of our lives through conscious living and eating...

If you would like to join me on my “Boot Camp”

you can follow me on http://instagram.com/justinebrasil/ and https://www.facebook.com/thewoundedhealer22 along with post here...

Guess it's time to get this started... Let the challenge begin!!!!!

{I must say I cant wait to see what happens over the next 21 days let alone year!}

Checking In.....

It's been a while since I checked in.
Things are moving! In more ways then one.....
Some areas health wise have been tested again and my personal life faced the same wall it always does but overall its nice to be seeing my life in a new light.

So this past weeks I have been working on trying to learn balance with my new Yoga practice and incorporating my Transitional food changes, While enjoying company of friends and myself.  It is a slow process and everyday is different but I am not seeking pattern as much as change. So I figure if I did something every day that would release the pressure of holding myself to a commitment I might not be able to keep.  It seemed to work.

I have battled a few health issues as I detoxed and my body gets use to the food changes. Along with also being a single parent of a sick 11 year old boy things have been a bit scattered. This is usually where I am test and I fail. Not this time. I buckled down, focused on both of us getting better and at least stretching everyday no matter what!! This was not easy but it helped me to see that this time I was serious about moving forward. No sickness, personal tests or even the people in my life were going to derail me this time.

Change is not easy when it has to do with lifestyle changes but I know the hard work and dedication will pay off with better health and a lifestyle that supports "My" body and its needs.

 I  have shared a few videos  and some other post that has helped me on my Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/thewoundedhealer22.  I know I am about to face some tough challenges but I feel I am up for the task if I just set my mind too it. Nothing is impossible unless I imagine it to be.

So this morning I am getting back on the solid track of knowing that changes really come one step at a time and the goal is to keep going no matter what and put my health on the top of the list of  the "to do's" because if I don't nobody else will... and with Obama Care who wouldn't..LOL

If anyone was wondering.....

I heard the Church Bell Today for the first time, ringing loud...... <3

Giving Up TV To Meatless Monday's, Looking back and moving ahead with no REGRETS!!!!

So its Monday and as much as I have enjoyed having Austin home from school it's nice to have us both back on a schedule. Today was a bit of a mess with the Fog and Rain Mix with the melting Snow, it made for an interesting morning walk to the bus stop. We both questioned our sanity a few times but made it through.

Today's topic to the bus stop was "Meatless Monday". As most of you know with all my allergies my meat intake is limited already and along with the things I have learned about food and the food industry I think my body is doing me a favor to be truthful. I don't have to get into discussions over food and morality or even hear judgement. It's simple for me,  Food is what keeps me alive and what I was eating was slowing but painfully killing me.  So my food list has become very little I can choose from and more limiting by the day, especially with the GMO and hormone, not to mention the antibiotics . I would say I am 85% vegetarian, 5%  vegan {working on my  fish & cheese issues..LOL} and the rest; I eat Turkey and Game meat.. I do this sparingly but I do. So Austin's question was why Meatless Monday's?

It is very simple. About 8 years ago I was watching a lot of TV trying to escape from my own reality, living my life through TV icons, Media seduction and fake reality shows.  I had a TV in every room and on at the same time so while I was doing stuff around the house I would not miss a thing. I also could tell you the time by what was on TV, yes I was BAD... it was really sad....
One day I thought to myself instead of watching other people live life on TV I should turn off mine and get to Living. The next thing I read its National Turn Off TV week.. I was in!!! That week turned into 40 days of Lint and let me tell you I broke the addiction and it changed my life and now I have not had broadcast TV in my home in years. Oh and I don't miss it at all!!! I check in every once in a while and still the same garbage but now costing you more money to watch. I remember when advertisers paid for us to watch free TV. Back then the ad's came free along with the shows once you bought your TV and antenna. Not anymore!

 Making that once small commitment for a week made a huge difference in my life. It made me really get out in the world again and look up things, read, spend time with my son and mainly myself. I had never experienced being alone with my own mind without distraction till then.  I just never knew how afraid I was to be alone with my own thoughts until those first few day.  Thought I would {die} if I missed one of my shows and yes I even gave up my Peoples Court!! Like I said it changed my life and the direction it was going extremely. Now it's time to get my eating under the same control. So what a great way to start then Meatless Mondays.

A day where Austin and I can pick out a recipe and cook it together talking about eating healthier and teaching him the basic at the same time. I am very excited. Austin was not thrilled of such a short notice so we compromised. Tonight we will have the Ancient Harvest Quinoa Mac and Cheese and Austin will add some Haddock to his plate. { Got to have the Mac and Cheese!!! }. It's a start. It is not about depriving him or me of food but about transitioning to a more conscious way of eating.

 Here is the Mac and Cheese, what a great find! Having Gluten issues I have tried to make some and as much as it got rave reviews I am still a single Mother who loves short cuts to good health!

We also found these on our shopping trip. Yum!!

I know eating healthy can be expensive but my motto this year is; Eat Less Food with Higher Quality and it will be worth the cost!!! Plus sickness can cost you more then Money. Like I have said before it has cost me relationships, careers and almost my life.. So paying more to stay alive and well is worth it!

I will start posting recipes and idea for Meatless Mondays.. who knows maybe we can do Tofu Tuesdays... Wheat Free Wednesday...   LOL

I love my life and I love the fact that I am not afraid to experiment with it!!!! So let the Great Meatless Mondays begin.. Will you join me????

Maybe The Zombie Apocalypse is already here......

I am sure some of you are wondering how did the unplugging go. It went like a boat out to sea, a bit rocky but it's been an overall nice ride. I have not heard the Church Bell. Maybe its to cold to ring it. Maybe I still don't have ears to hear it yet but either way seeing that unplugging and setting new habits in motion are just as hard as they were last year makes me shake my head.  I should know better. If I have learned anything from the past few years it has been that I need to make certain changes to really heal my body and mind if I want my life to move forward.
Tom Lescher keeps saying that we need to "create" a new paradigm, not keep waiting for one to appear. That it is us who is creating it. Through our thoughts and action. This is what Barbara Marciniak was speaking of in her earlier books. That each one of us living our own truth and following our own passions we could change our lives and in turn the world.  I am start to think this is the mind set behind the saying "We are the ones we have been waiting for" We all have been waiting for our own person saviors to come rescue us... For some it's prince charming or their soul mate, some it is Jesus or Aliens, others it is hitting the Big One, that next big thing that they know then things will be better or will change. It is the waiting that keeps us enslaved in the hamster wheel of life. Repeating the same bad habits like zombies on auto pilot. Letting the world and our dreams pass us by or worse be stolen. Other find an excuse in everything not to change, not to move forward with their lives for themselves or others. The zombie apocalypse is here now and I think 2014 is calling for a resurrection of the Human Spirit and our ability to change and evolve and wake up from our zombie like sleep walking through our own life! If unplugging from my phone more often, doing some yoga and eating consciously will make my life better and make this a better country let alone world why not. If it turns out I'm the the one I have been waiting on then I better get my act together. Like they say somethings you just got to do for yourself. Plus it would be sad to waste my life waiting on something or someone that has been here all along!!!!